5.18.2004

The Diet
In a word, The Diet sucks. I hate it. I've jumped on the band wagon and am trying to do the South Beach Diet. The first two weeks are supposed to be the hardest--no carbs (no bread, no pasta, no fruit, no sweets) and it's rough. I am, quite frankly, going crazy. I would pretty much kill for an apple right now. Or some pasta or a piece of pizza...or whatever the heck I can find...I started a week ago. Or, more exactly, a week and 2 days. And I am ready to be done with this part of it. I hate it. I'm so hungry. I've been so hungry for a week. I thought I could do it. I think I can do it, but my will power is quickly fading. Even more quickly than I thought.

I just feel bad. Like sick, bad, if that makes sense. I know that a diet changes what you eat and i know it takes awhile for your body to acclimate to that, but still. I don't think a person should feel this sick to their stomach and this out of sorts, all because of a diet. However, as someone who has struggled with her weight her whole life, I'm willing to try anything at least once, I guess. I did weight watchers for quite awhile. Did really well the first time, but then lost my motivation. I guess I want to be thin, but I also want to be happy. And, sometimes I wonder if losing the weight will make me happy or give me an eating disorder...or another eating disorder. :) I think there are disorders other than anorexia and bulemia. I am obsessed with food. I don't think I've had a meal in a year and a half where I haven't felt guilty for something I ate. And, THAT can't be healthy, can it?

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