And They Called it Puppy Love

2 weeks ago (almost) someone new entered our life. Her name is Madison. She is tiny, adorable, and a big handful!

Having a puppy has been fun. She plays hard and sleeps a lot, which is good. I haven't had a dog in a long time and haven't actually ever gone through the first stages of dog ownership - sleepless nights, potty training and the worry about her!

I wasn't prepared for the sleepless nights - for how pathetic her cry can sound and how much she dislikes being in her pen at night - at least at first. I wasn't prepared to not talk to her, not rush to her when she cried, and to teach her that it's not okay to get up and play at 1:00am every day. Whether it's her getting a lot better at it, or our exhaustion finally catching up, she has quickly graduated to sleeping about 6 hours straight through the night (as of today). This is a good thing. Although I do find myself wondering if she's okay when she hasn't made a peep for that long.

Housebreaking a dog that is only 2 pounds is not going well. She has to pee ALL the time, and most of the time she's already peeing before we even realize what she's doing. Hopefully some strong dilligence over the next couple weeks will help us make great strides toward having her housebroken. And, because you're asking, we didn't and aren't using a crate. Trust me I've read all the benefits, and I think they're very legitimate - but with Tim and I working all day through the week, it's just not conceivable for one of us to come home every two hours to let her out to do her business.

That being said, we did buy her an exercise pen - some place to keep her safe and confined while we're gone during the day. It has food, water, puppy pads, toys and a bed. All the comforts of home. Here's the other thing - she has already figured out how to move & climb out of it. Talk about stressing her 'momma' out!

I have also realized i have a somewhat unhealthy attachment to the little ball of fluff. I am constatly thinking about her, worrying about her, and hoping she's okay. When we're home, I spend a lot of time sitting on the floor with her, watching her every move and trying to convince her not to bite my toes and fingers. When we're gone, my stomach is in knots worrying that she's okay, that she's eating, sleeping, and hasn't been crying the whole time I'm gone. Stress!

Do other dog owners get this stressed or am I just taking it TOO much to heart?!?! I don't know, but I know I've got to stop obsessing so much about her and just continue to live my life and do my thing while she's growing. She'll make it through puppyhood. I'll make it through this. Tim will make it through. And, we'll have a normal life again!

I love her, but man, no one told me it was going to be this stressful and this much work!

Words & Actions

Anyone that knows me well knows that I truly believe actions speak louder than words. I'm a firm believer in the do what I do, not what I say idea. I know that I have to live by example, and I know I will make more mistakes than I care to admit. I also know that what I say has no meaning if it's not followed by authentic actions that reinforce those ideas.

I was recently on the web page of a group with whom I used to be associated. Their website spoke at length about inclusion, honest conversation, growth, acceptance, etc, etc, etc. But, having been a part of that group for a few months, I felt like the whole site was full of half-truths and misleadings (yes, I know that's not a real word!). I'm not going to go into details, but I've rarely felt so misled, betrayed and lied to as I was during my time with them.

So, being on their website (curiosity kills sometimes, right??!) made me start thinking about the whole idea of actions v. words. Sure, you can say you respect everyone and that everyone has an opinion that matters, but when push comes to shove, what do your actions reflect? Because, I won't remember words written on a paper - but I will remember the way I was treated and the way those I love were treated. And I will remember what you said and what you did that hurt. And, then, when you claim to be something else, I will have a very hard time believing you and trusting again.

I think that is even more true for Christians. What we say and what we do is a lot more visible to the world than our 'ideals and morals' that we hold up as being infallible. If someone says a good person doesn't cuss, then cuss, that hurts their cause. If someone says drinking is wrong, but then has a drink, that's hypocritical. If someone claims to be tolerant, but then gets defensive and angry at the first hint of dissidence, that's childish. It's important to remember, now more than ever, that people are watching what we do and how we act a lot more than their listening to what we say and what we claim to believe.

My goal is to be the same person in private that I am in public. It doesn't always happen, but I'm working on it. Am I perfect? Goodness, not even close! Do I mess up all the time? ALL the time! Do I want to be better at being just one version - the best version - of who I am? Yes.

In the Storm

This is the radar image of what is happening outside right now, according to Wish-TV 8 in Indianapolis. It doesn't look good, does it?

But, from where I sit, as long as I don't turn and look out the window, it doesn't seem like that at all. There might be a storm about to rage somewhere nearby, but I don't see it if I don't look out the window.

How similar is that to your life? I know it's pretty appropriate to mine! There is always a storm blowing somewhere - bills, health issues, family issues, work issues, faith issues - and it's easy to just sit in my little world and pretend it's not there - pretend there isn't something raging right outside the door. The problem with pretending there is no storm is that sooner or later, it will make itself more obvious. Lights will flicker, hail will fall, trees will be struck with lightning. There comes a point when you can no longer pretend the storm isn't there and you have a choice - deal with it or cower in fear. Me, when it comes to storms, I like to cower. Especially at night. I don't like the thunder and lightning in the dark. I don't like not being able to see what is coming and see what might be lurking just outside the window. This is a new thing - a recent change and quirk in my personality.

What I've realized is that I treat my personal storms the same way. I hide from them until I can no longer ignore that they are real. And then, the walls come crashing down, my tears flow and my world starts spinning into that strange darkness where I can't see what's coming next. Now, let me emphasize that right now is NOT one of those times. I feel pretty good. There aren't any big storms in my life right now. Sure, there is the normal stress or work and home - being a good wife, a good friend, a good daughter and sister. There is the constant stress of wanting to be 30-40 pounds lighter and the constant storm between being lazy and being strong. But those are all little storms.

I know people who are in the storm of uncertain health, waiting for a diagnosis or a surgery that will change their lives.

I know people who are in the storm of lost jobs, hoping to find a way to support themselves and their family.

I know people who are in the storm of loneliness, those they love far away from them.

I know people who are in the storm of war, waiting for loved ones to return and then leave again.

I know people in so many storms, and I know so many people who aren't revealing their storms at all. But, those storms exist, and they are powerful, and they are damaging.

While my heart wants to calm the storm and drive the rain clouds away, I know I cannot. Sometimes the storms have to rage, just so we can see what happens when they are over. After the tornado, there is often a rainbow. After all the rain, the sun comes out again. And, at least for me, I tend to appreciate the green grass and the blooming flowers a lot more after the storm has passed. The same is true in life - the storm is scary, disheartening and even frightening. The storm shakes your world, your faith and your life. But, the storm will end, and when it does, you will see a new place, a new piece of your world, fresh from near-destruction, but already rebuilding, vibrant and alive.

So, keep the faith during the storm. Don't be afraid to be afraid. But, when the storm is at is peak and everything is howling and shaking around you, remember that it will end. It has to end. And that end is really just another new beginning.

Where has the time gone???

I just realized it's been approximately forever since I've actually blogged. So, here's what's been going on since the Race for the Cure weekend...

I turned 30. Turns out, it wasn't that big of a deal. I ate lunch at my favorite restaurant with my darling husband. We had dinner at a great local pizza place with a bunch of friends. I felt loved, appreciated, and very happy. It's been an interesting first 30 years. I'm excited to see what the next 30 hold!

Projects like crazy at work were very time-consuming. I was tired almost every day when I went home. I love my job and I love the people I work with, but the start of 2009 just about killed me!

But, I did participate in another community theatre show. I left this experience happy and having renewed faith in community theatre. It may never win awards in this town, or even truly be appreciated, but it was fun! I met some new friends, reconnected with some old ones, and still miss hanging out with my cast mates! I hope to do another show soon.

After the show wrapped, Tim and I ran away - on vacation. Our 11-state road trip led us to Biloxi and New Orleans, then back through Arkansas. We had a great time. Some observations from the trip - apparently Alabama is where armadillos and semi tires go to die. I had never seen so many of either on the side of the roads. I am slightly concerned about the armadillo population in the world after seeing so many dead on the side of the road!

Biloxi was a lot of fun. We spent a day walking around the city, a day on a barrier island in the gulf, and lots of time just enjoying being away from it all for awhile. We saw the mark Katrina left on the city, how so many buildings are still gone or sitting empty after 3 and 1/2 years, and how many lives must have been changed. One day, we talked for awhile with a Vietnam vet that was at a memorial in Biloxi. his picture was on the wall of Purple Heart recipients. It was humbling to meet someone who had been through hell and back and still loved his country so much.

On our way to New Orleans from Biloxi, we stopped at the Stennis Space Center, where they test-fire engines for the space program. I am so happy I am married to someone who loves airplanes and space travel and all that stuff as much as I do!

New Orleans was big. A lot bigger than I thought it would be. We weren't there long, so we didn't get to do a lot, but we did walk around the French Quarter for a day, took a buggy ride, went to the Aquarium and Imax, ate at Bubba Gump and took in the sites (some good and some a little...risque) and sounds of the city. I wish we would have had more time there, but it's not a place I'm dying to go back to, either.

On our way home, we stopped at the Crater of Diamonds State Park in Arkansas. Turns out, for $7 a person, you can dig for diamonds - finders, keepers. It was rainy and gross outside, and we didn't find any diamonds, but it was still a fun way to wrap up the trip. As we left, we found a Firehouse Subs (Tim loved their food) and then drove through some scary storms.

After vacation, we survived another crazy week of VBX. Tim and I helped out with the skits and Tim made maybe the coolest graphics he's ever done. On top of mornings doing Bible school, we still worked a full week. Whew!

Cameron graduated from high school. He was always a great kid, and he's grown into a great young man. He'll be attending Rose-Hulman in the fall. I hope to see him more since he'll be closer than he's been since I left for college and never actually left Bloomington all those years ago!

And, to top off all the craziness, we're getting a puppy! Her name is Madison and she's a long-hair chihuahua. We just found out we can pick her up on Monday and I am so excited! I've wanted a puppy for a long time, and I am so glad we found one we're pretty sure isn't going to send Tim into allergy fits!

So, that's where I've been lately. Life is good. Full. Happy. Unexpected. Good.

What did you do this weekend?

I did a little of this...

folding LOTS and LOTS of participant T-shirts with my mom...

and gathering with 42,000+ people who were all gathered in one place for one thing...

...to prove that it's more than a ribbon, it's a mission...

...and to wipe out breast cancer...

...all because a sister made a promise and changed the world.

A Full Life

I don't know about you, but my weekend was very full. Here are just a few things that filled me up from Friday-Sunday.

• Catching up on some TV
• Practicing my very new knitting skills...and having to reteach myself every time I stopped for more than 5 minutes!
• A trip to wal-mart
• Realizing the library closes at 6pm on Friday - after getting there at 6:02
• My Thai - my favorite restaurant in Bloomington
• A few precious moments with Tim before the craziness of the weekend
• Saturday Easter services
• Going to Borders and actually not buying any books
• Laughing with friends
• Sunday morning sunrises
• The promise of Easter - the best thing about this weekend and any weekend
• Launching a new service in the Fellowship Hall
• Time with family
• Getting rid of some bushes in the front yard, and lots of grass clippings and yard waste in the back
• Going to bed at 9pm for the first time in a long time!

A wonderful, full weekend. I wouldn't trade a moment of it for the world, but now all I really want to do is sleep!

The Place Between

I am fascinated with the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter. Why?

Because of Friday, Christ hung on a cross - dead.
Because on Sunday, the tomb stood - empty.
But what about Saturday?

It's the moment between that seems to capture my heart. For followers of Christ, Friday was the worst day in the world. The One they loved was beaten, tortured, accused, found innocent (and yet guilty), nailed to a cross, and breathed his last breath. The One they followed went to a place where they could not go. They were scared and alone. They were heartbroken and lost. They were a people without purpose, without joy, without grace.

For the Pharisees and those opposing Him, Friday was a day of celebration. They had one. The heretic had been silenced. Life could go back to normal. The crowds would die down. God still fit neatly into their box.

For Jesus, His cup was there and His hour was upon Him. He felt sin, he felt anger, he felt hate - and he felt the moment that God closed His eyes and turned His back on His only son. Jesus felt the pain of the nails, the labored breath, the thirst and the humiliation. He saw his mother, his family, his friends. He felt death.

But, then what happened? The sun set on Friday. On Saturday, it rose again. Another day began, and the world slowly woke up. At that moment, who knows what was happening. Friends and family were still mourning, followers still desperately wanted to believe He was who He said He was, and the day kept on going. The Son of God had died, but the world did not stop. Instead, things probably felt strangely familiar.

It is Saturday that I identify with, because I feel like that's where we live. We don't live on that horrible Friday, and we long for the Son on Sunday, but our lives happen in the Saturdays. Between our Friday and Sunday, life happens. We make mistakes, we mourn, we cry and laugh. On the Saturdays of our lives we hurt and are hurt, we love and our loved, we carry burdens and have our burdens carried for us - we live in the middle of two momentous moments. Moments that change everything, to be sure, but still moments.

For me, it's not the Friday I like to look back on. I try hard not to dwell on the past, good or bad. I try not to think hard on my mistakes, or the ways I've been wronged. Instead I look toward Sunday - that moment when the Light breaks through the dawn and the world looks a little different. Because, life here is temporary. Saturday is but a moment in time. And the Sunday of the Risen King is coming...