...is a big service at church. It's 10pm and my husband is nowhere near done with everything that he had on his to-do list for tomorrow. I am not sure when I will see him. Maybe at church tomorrow...which makes me sad. He does an excellent, amazing job at everything he does, but I hate that it always comes down to these late nights and weeks. It makes me sad and lonely, because I feel like part of me is missing. (Sad face).
So, given that, maybe it's only fitting that this is the part of the poem that is up for me to analyze tonight:
If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Tonight, I've been sitting on my couch with Madison, and I've been comparing myself to lots of people - people who work normal schedules; people who have spent more than an hour of time with their spouses in the last couple of weeks (that is only a slight exaggeration). I've been feeling a little sorry for myself about the whole thing - and then I thought about this part of Desiderata again - and remembered that there are a lot of people who have it a lot worse than me. There are people who don't see their significant others because they are serving our country overseas or travel all the time. There are people who have lost their spouses and have this sense of loneliness that never really goes away. And then these momentary frustrations seem much more tolerable.
While this is probably not the original intention of the poem, it is what is on my heart tonight. I'm hoping Tim makes it home at some point tonight - it would be nice for him to get a little sleep before having to be back there first thing tomorrow. But, I will also do my best to not be sad or feel annoyed because he's there working his booty off instead of here. It's just a momentary thing, and it could be so much worse!
Don't get too worked up about feeling guilty about wishing for more time with your husband. My wife and I have crazy hours and I've been praying for God to allow me to have pleasant thoughts about people who seem to have all kinds of free time to do whatever they want with their spouse. I think it is one of those things where we have "seasons" in our lives. I really felt Satan attacking me by thinking really awfully about others who don't seem to "work as hard" as I do. But I'm seeing that most people do some crazy things for their jobs. It doesn't make it right, but it also helps me see that I'm not an island.
Hope that encourages you a little bit!