I am not always very good at connecting with people. I don't think the first impression I give is always the best. I probably trust too much. I also probably care too much about what other people think. I still don't know why people would choose me when there are so many awesome people with which to be friends in the world. The result is that I often miss that thing that is so important to all of us: connection.
Lately I've been struggling with realizing that relationships change. Especially friendships. While I knew that in my head, learning it with my heart has been a lot harder. Now, don't get me wrong, I have some really awesome friends. And, I have people that I know would be there for me if I needed them. But I also know that I have a lot more casual friendships these days than deep friendships. And, that's a strange feeling.
There are very few people I've let in to my little crazy world in the last few years. Those I have let it, have really just made themselves a presence in my life. Years ago, my friend Cindy wrote a post entitled "no redhead is an island" about how we need other people in our lives. While Cindy doesn't blog anymore, and hasn't for awhile, that post still sits in my brain, reminding me that the people in my life MATTER. They are important.
As life changes and people come and go, I am learning to hold my friendship close and enjoy them for however long they are here. I am also learning to be more open with who I am - and to reach out more and be more comfortable in my own skin. What can I say - I'm a work in progress!