I don't often use my blog to list my faults, but I have felt especially convicted of one lately and wanted to share. I am realizing more and more that my internal legalist is alive and well, and she takes control of my patience quite often. I don't like my internal legalist, but I know in some ways...it's just the way I am wired!
I like having a plan.
I love deadlines.
I like guidelines.
I like agendas.
I work best when I am on deadline and with a list of things I can check off. And, because that is how I am wired, I often expect the same of other people. Even if that is totally not how they are wired! And, in my job, that is a hard line to walk sometimes. If you know me at all, you know I wear...a few...different hats at my job. I am business manager (crunching numbers, writing checks, keeping an eye on the budget), HR (insurance, new hires, vacation days, retirement, benefits) and communications (website, bulletin, enews, facebook). Yes, that's a lot. And yes, on most days I can figure out how to manage most of it well...as long as people stay on deadline.
So, right now, it's about finding that balance. Because, I want to be angry and bitter and frustrated and annoyed when I have to change my schedule for other people (did you catch how many "I's" are in that sentence?). I want to hold that grudge a little longer and make people "pay" for making me change my life.
And that is just plain wrong.
I should want to extend grace, to let other people be more important than me, and to let go of some of my expectations of people and deadlines. I should accept that no one is ever going to be on time all the time, and let go of that Type-A part of me that clings so desperately to hard and soft deadlines. Shouldn't I?
In a job that requires deadlines to get the work done, on a daily and weekly basis, finding that balance is getting harder and harder. How do you do it?