My "Broken Hallelujah"

For years, music has moved me. It doesn't take long for a song to speak to me and make me laugh, cry or want to fall in love all over again. That said, it's been awhile since a song really got to me. And then, out of nowhere, I heard Mandisa sing "Broken Hallelujah" and lost it. It's really an amazing song. Here are the words:

With my love and my sadness
I come before You Lord
My heart’s in a thousand pieces
Maybe even more

Yet I trust in this moment
You’re with me somehow
And You’ve always been faithful
So Lord even now

When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah

Oh Father, You have given
Much more than I deserve
And I have felt Your hand of blessing
On me at every turn

How could I doubt Your goodness
Your wisdom, Your grace
So Lord hear my heart
In this painful place

When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah
I lift my voice
Your Spirit moves
I raise my hands
I reach for You

When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah

I don't know about you, but I've walked that road a thousand times in my life. I constantly struggle with feeling like what I have to give God just isn't - enough. What I have to give my friends isn't - enough. What I have to give my husand isn't - enough. What I have to give my family isn't - enough. What I have to give my puppy isn't - enough.

And, the more I feel like what I have to give isn't enough, the more I feel like a 'failure' and the more it makes me sad. I know, I know, you can't be everything to everyone all the time, but i still want to be! You can ask my mom, when things didn't come easily to me, i just gave up on them. Some of that is still true. (and if you read any of my exhausted and bedraggled posts when we first got the puppy, you know how close I came to giving up on that, too!)

So take that stress that has somehow become part of who I am and add the deepest desire to always be enough for God - and you have why we all need faith. Coming to grips with the fact that my little bit of a hallelujah, my little bit of praise, of adoration, of love, is enough for God makes my mind reel.

When I'm sad and feeling down, whatever little bit I can give to God He maginifies and makes more.

When I'm frustrated and hurt, my praises through clenched teeth are still sweet sounds.

When I'm confused and beaten down, my tearful cries are music to His ears.

When all I have isn't enough for me (in my eyes), somehow giving it to Him makes it abundantly more.