In high school and college I was lucky to have a great group of girlfriends. In high school, we first became friends because we were in the same classes - from Kindergarten through 12th grade. We became friends because we were in band together...then theatre...then because we had found something in each other that we appreciated and were drawn to. I love my high school girls, and wish I lived close enough to see them and hang out with them more. Thanks to facebook, I have found some of my girlfriends again - and reconnecting with Sara, Sarah, Rachael and more has been refreshing. Catching up with their lives - the highs and lows - has made me feel more complete somehow. They were such crucial parts of my growing-up experience and finding them again has refreshed a part of me I didn't know was lacking.
I have been lucky - one of my absolute best friends in the world - Rene - is close. We've been friends forever, literally. She's been there through some of the craziest ups and downs, through adolescence and lost parents, through broken relationships and weddings. She has been my rock through much of my life and I am so glad she's still in Bloomington and still close. We may not chat all the time and we may not see each other that often, but knowing she is always there and close is such a blessing to me.
Moving to college was hard. Rene was here, but that was about it. She was in a different dorm, on a different path, and I was alone. Freshman year was hard, but slowly I made new friends and met a new set of girlfriends that would impact my life. In Christian Student Fellowship, I found Auburn, Liz, Jenny, Michelle, Jennifer, Hannah, Janel and so much more. I found girls that were on the way to becoming strong, independent wonderful women. My homes sophomore through senior year, though sometimes full of drama, were oasis' of joy and friendship. We were a group of women experiencing so much of life together, and their impact in my life has only continue to grow. Sadly, I am not as close to many of them as I used to be - many of them I am only on a casual basis, but some have remained my lifeline as far as girlfriends go. I can't imagine where I would be in my life without my continuing friendship with Liz.
And now...now I feel like I am at a crossroads in my girlfriend life again. I have found myself longing for that authentic relationship with women that only other women understand. I have been looking for friendships that can be impactful and growing. And, the sad thing is, I KNOW I have a lot of good girlfriends now - we just are in such different places in our lives that finding time for each other is so hard. I know that the craziness of the last several months has made it hard for me to really connect - and in some ways I've felt even more disconnected than ever. I need to make girlfriend time a priority! I had lunch last friday with Amy, one of the dearest people in my life. She's like a sister to me, and just a simple lunch of McDonald's and time to just hang out made the rest of my day and my weekend that much better. I need more of that in my life.
It sounds so easy, but part of me is convinced that the women in my life I would most like to spend time with are too busy, have their own friends, etc, and no room for me. The even sadder part is that I know that's a lie, a pathetic excuse for not putting myself out there and doing my part to dig deeper into relationship. That is my challenge for myself this week - to call my friends and ask if they want to do something, to get involved in a woman's study somehow to help me and to reconnect with the women in my life that I know are there, they just maybe don't know how much I need them!