Do you ever take a moment to look at just how blessed your life is? I don't do it often enough.
I spent some time today and yesterday reading the blog of a woman who found out her child would not survive the pregnancy. I read about the first time they told her and her husband little Audrey wouldn't survive. I read about every tiny miracle they experienced as Audrey continued to struggle. I read as they decided not once, but twice, to not abort their little girl, even if they doctors said it was okay and that it was acceptable in the medical world. I read as she struggled to tell her little girls that their sister would not be coming home. I read as she struggled with fear, frustration, fatigue and faith. I read as Audrey was born, and then as she died. I cried harder than I've cried in a long time. What amazed me most was not the struggle, not the journey the Smith family went on, but that she continued to seek God and to hear His voice in the middle of a storm I cannot even begin to fathom. The depth of her faith and her willingness to trust Him even though it hurt, even though it just plain sucked, just struck me to the core.
Sometimes I'm not sure I have half the faith she had - and I live a pretty blessed life. Sure, there have been dark moments in my life and moments when I cried out to God, but to love and trust like she does - wow. I was humbled by her love - for her family, for her friends, for those she's never met that read her journey with her - and most importanly, for her Jesus.
My heart cries out tonight to feel that same passion for Him - to trust Him in my small life - my safe life - my good life. Because I wonder - if I can't lean on Him in these good times, how will I ever be able to lean on Him when faced with a something that shakes my world to the core? I am not so naive to think it won't happen someday - but I hope and pray and pray and hope that I am willing to lean on Him when those times do come. I need to start now.