I've been reading "Captivating" a lot lately. It's one of those books that I just pick up once or twice a week as I try processing it...and it usually makes me cry. The book centers around what John and Staci call "the Question." The Question of a woman's heart--"Do you see me? Am I captivating? Do I have a beauty all my own?"
Here's an excerpt for today:
"A woman becomes beautiful when she knows she's loved. We've seen this many times--you probably have, too. Cut off from love, rejected, no one pursuing her, something in a woman wilts like a flower no one waters anymore. She withers into resignation, duty, and shame. The radiance of her countenance goes out, as if a light has been turned off. But this same woman, who everyone thought was rather plain and unengaging, becomes lovely and inviting when she is pursued. Her heart begins to come alive, come to the surface, and her countenance becomes radiant. We wonder, 'Where has she been all these years? She's really captivating.'"
I think this sums up so much of not only my life, but how I feel about myself. I always thought of myself as the mousey, quiet, unspecial person in the corner. But, when I met Tim, when he pursued me, something inside me came alive. I used to joke all the time that I was glowing because of him--but upon reading this, I know it was simply true. He was awakening a long-dormant and dark part of my heart and life. And he continues to awaken it every day.
The other part of my reading last night that succeeded in moving me to tears was about a woman who spent so much of her life trying to figure out and fix whatever was 'wrong' with her. During the course of a conversation, she realized that all her striving to perfection may have been what was hiding her beauty. And then is says this:
"Let's just start with a thought. What if the message delivered in your wounds simply isn't true about you? Let that sink in. It wasn't true. What does that free you to do? Weep? Rejoice? Let go? Come out? Take your heart back?"
It's not true. The lies the enemy tells me; the hurts that are so deeply ingrained in my soul; the insecurities that leave me hiding behind the extra weight and the cautious heart--none of it is true! Amen, Hallelujah! Rejoice!