The Drama

I feel like the last week of my life has consisted of some interesting, frustrating, but I guess, good drama. Not sure that I'll go into a lot of detail here, but I have been doing some serious soul-searching and thinking the last 7 days because of a simple conversation Tim had with some people. And, I will admit, some of my deep-seeded frustrations with both the church and the world we live in have come back to light. I know I am not perfect, but I think those that know me would know my morals, integrity, and all of that are something that I take very seriously. I have 'survived' a lot in my life and have been through enough to know that there are some things I value more than others...so when those values are questioned, even just because of something that could be 'perceived' then it bothers me. a lot. I feel like it is a direct attack against me and the 'because you work in a fish bowl' argument does little to assuage my frustrations.

I know where I work and I know that because of that I have to be careful of the things I say and do...but I am not going to change who I am because I sit in this chair 50 hours a week. I am not going to conform so much that I lose myself, and if those around here cannot understand, and what's more, accept and embrace that, then I find myself again agreeing with some of the generalizations my family seems to have of the church. Don't get me wrong; I love my church and my job. I love the people I work with and know that they only have my best interests at heart. I know, too, that they know me. It still doesn't change the fact that it frustrates me, though...

...in 15 days Tim and I will be on our way to Annie's wedding, to see New England in the Fall, and to New York City. A great mini-vacation. But, let me correct that sentence. In 15 day, Tim, myself, and Tim's friend Curt will be doing all of the above (except the wedding part; Curt will just stay at the hotel and sleep is my guess). Yes, that's right...the three of us. I don't mind Curt going, it's just the idea that it was even an issue. I don't know him well, but am sure I will after this trip. It won't be the romantic getaway and spend time with Tim that I had hoped, but I am sure it will still be fun. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices because of your job. They told me that at Target and I laughed at them. They tell me that here and I do it. I wonder what the difference is...

Am I excited? Yes, I am.
Am I as excited as I was a week and 1/2 ago? Not quite, but I'm getting back to that point.

I'm sure some of the excitement will come back as the time gets closer...

Other than that whole mess, I did manage to go home over the weekend. It was nice to see my family and to just BE. I just needed to laugh and sleep and play games and hang out with my family. Honestly, I could have used a couple more days of that. But, time is always short. It was good, though, to be with my mom, harry, and cameron.

I now live by myself. Some days it's good, some it is strange. I haven't been completely alone too much, so I guess I'm still not really used to it yet. Getting there slowly, though.

Life is a strange and complicated things. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to the days of eating popsicles, blowing bubbles, and chasing the puppy around the yard before falling exhausted into bed. Ah, to go back to the life of a five year old. I could handle that right about now.