Okay, so I'm not singing and it's not raining...yet...but somehow it seemed like an appropriate title for this post. I am starting to write not knowing what will come out, but hopeful that this weekend will be better than last and next week will be better than this. I got an email from my friend Jenny last night right before I left. I read it somehow changed me. It released me from a bit of the cloud I have been under, and I think it was because she reminded me that it was okay to hurt for my church and okay to be angry. Not that I haven't heard that from all the people in my life this last couple weeks, but there was something about the way she said it. It just made me feel better. So thanks, Ms. Mott, for everything! I told Tim last night that I had to shake this depression...this sadness...and he agreed. I don't know how to do that, because I'm not totally sure what all is 'wrong,' but I'm feeling a little more rested today and a little more optimistic that today will be a better day. (and some of it has been already...some, much the same)
In other news, it's Friday the 13th and a day most of Southern Indiana has been dreading for quite some time. It's D-Day for the Pentagon's list of base closures, and Crane was on that list. This is not just a base, it is the basis of the economy for many parts of Southern Indiana. With over 4,000 workers on site, plus the people in the surrounding area that are boosted by the Crane employees, we were looking at potential disaster for our economy. The list is out and Crane is safe. They could still loose almost 700 employees, but overall Indiana is set to actually gain jobs. I'm not sure how that works, but it's a relief. One piece of stress that can be eliminated.
I am going to go tonight and look at fish to 'replace' Creamsicle and Gandalf. Two fish is not enough in my tank. I was set to look last night, but then ran out of energy and really just wanted to just relax and try and figure out what is wrong with my stomach. Tonight, time and patience permitting, I will go look for more fish. I hate that so many have died, but I do think I do a good job of trying to make them happy and well. I love them, and that has to count for something.
Tim leaves for Europe in about 10 days. I am excited for him, jealous of him, and anxious about that, as well...
Emily,
ReplyDeleteI came across your blog today as I was searching the web. I really like your writing style. Very nice.
I love rain. I'm originally from the Boston area and Cape Cod where it rains almost as much as it does in Seattle, so I miss it now that I live in Utah. The state has been covered in rain for the past week and I have loved every drop of it. What I miss most are the warm summer rain showers from back home where I could go for a walk and get myself drenched without worrying about catching a cold. In Utah once it's warm it's hot and then there's no rain. Not even a good drizzle. Mostly spittle from the sky as the clouds do their best but aren't often up to the task.
I have clinical depression and have to shake it off on a weekly, and even daily, basis. So when I read your comments about depression I thought I'd share some advice if you don't mind.
The first thing I do when I realize I'm depressed is ask myself if I have a reason to be depressed. If I don't then my mind is simply playing tricks on me and it's time to get up and do something else - something I enjoy and that can distract me from the overwhelming feelings of sadness. If I do have a reason to be depressed, I ask myself if the way I'm feeling is appropriate for whatever happened. Often, I am far sadder than called for so I force myself to get up and get moving. To distract myself and give my mind a chance to regulate itself. Since training myself to do this I have taken month long funks and reduced them to mere days, and sometimes, if I'm lucky, only a matter of hours.
Good luck and hang in there! :) Sounds like you have a nice support system with your friends and family. That'll be a great boost.
~D
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http://thesplinteredmind.blogspot.com - My web log about fighting neurological disabilities with attitude and humor
Wow! Not only did you get one of those coveted comments from a random stranger, but you got a high-quality mega-comment!!
ReplyDeletelove meagan