I Found Myself in Bloomington

When I first came to Bloomington in August of '97, I didn't really want to be here. I wasn't ready to leave home, go to college, be a grown up...all of that. I wanted to stay home with my family! However, it didn't work out that way. I won't go into detail about all the years I've lived in Bloomington, mostly because I realized last night that I've lived here almost as long as I lived in Albion (minus a couple summers home from college).

But, as much as I didn't want to stay here, Bloomington has grown on me. Now I find myself in a town that isn't that big, but just happens to be home to a major university. In Bloomington, I found myself. I grew up so much in the first couple years I lived here - ending a relationship, feeling so very alone, finding a good root to my faith, meeting friends that are still precious to me all these years later.

College was a great experience for me. While I didn't exactly enjoy all my classes, I did enjoy the walks around campus, the chance to try new things, and, most importantly, going back to a place that had quickly become home for me. Bloomington would not have been the same without IUCSF. I would not be the woman I am without the influence of the ministers, support staff and other students involved in the ministry. CSF prepared me for life - it helped me find my place and my voice. I helped me learn to rely on others and rely on God to accomplish great things in my life.

The other part of Bloomington, and, perhaps, the most important part, is my church. I cannot separate Bloomington and SOCC. For me, one is synonymous with the other. Especially since college, most of my experiences here have been somehow related to the church. It was within the walls of SOCC that I gained valuable skills and experienced a million challenges. It is also within those walls that I met my husband for the first time. I fell in love at SOCC. I got married at SOCC. My life now revolves around the church - it's where I work, where I worship, where I serve and where I spend more of my time than I like sometimes. :) It's also where I meet great people and make amazing new friends.

I've lived here long enough that I know how long it will take me to get from work to Target. I know where my favorite restaurants are, and I know exactly what I'll order. I know when to avoid downtown and that turning left on 2nd from my house is just not worth it. I know that the wal-mart parking lot stinks and that there is always something going on in town.

Of the places my heart calls home, this is the place where it feels rested and complete. Though I love Evansville and Albion and my heart longs for those places - it is the people that draws me there. For Bloomington, there is something about the very city that I enjoy. I don't know that we'll live here forever (in fact, I would assume we won't), but I will keep working to cherish the time we are here. I don't know a lot for certain, but I know leaving this place will be much harder than leaving Albion all those years ago. My world in Bloomington is my world. There is nothing in my experience in this town that is anything but something I have created. I chose to go to college here. I chose to stay. We still choose to be here.

Bloomington is home for me for now - and for as long as we're here - there will be no place like home.

Home is Where the Heart Is...

If home truly is where the heart is, then I think my heart is easily split between three places - Albion, Bloomington and Evansville. I've already talked recently (like the last post) about why I love Evansville. Today's blog is about Albion!

This weekend I went home. Or, I guess I should say I went to my childhood home - where my mom and step dad still live - for the weekend. It's home, but it's only part of my home now. Albion is where I learned about life, grew up, made friends, enemies and mistakes. Albion is where I lived from the time I was 4 until I was 19 (minus college). Albion was and will always be home for me.

The town has changed a lot - in some ways I hardly recognize the place when I go home. Familiar haunts have changed, the people are different (yet all the same - welcome to small town America), the school is different, teachers have left. I have very few friends in Albion anymore, and those I do have I don't ever see.

But i don't think it's Albion that's changed as much as it's me who has changed. Which, I suppose, is what happens when you grow up and leave.

But, the things that haven't changed are the familiar drive to my house, the cows in the pasture, the crumbling country roads. The willow tree in the front yard is dying, but it's there. My house still looks like home. And, inside, there is so much love and joy that it's just like taking a deep breath of heaven. My mom and step dad are amazing. I love them, and I love going home to do nothing more than just sit around, shop, play cards, watch TV and eat. There aren't rules and calendars - just time together. And, it's precious.

Like two weeks ago when we were in Evansville, I found myself this weekend longing to live closer to my family. I think part of it is just feeling complete around my family. Tim and Madison were at home in Bloomington, but had they been in Albion with me, I think I would have been content to never leave again! It's a simple thing - the older I get, the more I want to be surrounded by my family and the people that I don't have to be anything but myself with (pardon the poor sentence construction).

So, my heart is split between the places where my family lives - tomorrow I'll talk about why Bloomington holds my heart!

One of the Lucky Ones

Sometimes I forget just how good I have it. Anyone who reads my blog with any regularity knows that I adore my family - my mom, step dad and little brother are awesome. I am gratefully reconnecting with my sister, step mom and other brothers. Thanks to facebook, I am catching up with family and cousins I haven't spoken to in close to 20 years, probably.

But, there is another side of my family - the side I was 'adopted' into when Tim and I got married. Everyone has heard those stories of horrible in laws and how hard it is to spend time with them, etc. Well, for me, life couldn't be more the opposite.

I adore my in laws. I love my father-in-law and mother-in-law. I love my brother-in-law, his family and the extended family I now have through Tim. They make me laugh, make me smile and make me feel like I've always been part of their family. In fact, never once have I felt awkward around my MIL or FIL. From the very first time Tim took me home, they made me feel welcome and accepted.

Visiting them is not a chore at all for me. In fact, it's something I just love to do. Last Saturday, Tim and I were able to go spend a few hours with his parents. It wasn't anything "special" per se, but it was just so nice to sit there and enjoy them. The only sad part for me was that we had to leave and come back to Bloomington so quickly. It made me sad and made me wish we lived closer to them so we could hang out more. Maybe it's the distance that makes me appreciate them so much, but it really did make me think about our future and where Tim and I will end up. We don't want to move much farther north (someday, if we move) because neither of us are big fans of winter. So, we'll probably move south. And, if we're moving anyway, I would love to be closer to family. Our family. Because I don't feel like their his family anymore. Their ours.

Will that happen? Who knows. There are houses and jobs and careers and ambitions and a million other things that would have to fall into place all at the same time. But, there is the glimmer of a dream - to be close to people we love all the time - that makes my heart smile.

Good Riddance to My Faulty Gallbladder

Sorry it's been so long since I updated the blog. I was doing well updating there for awhile, and then life got so busy the first part of September!

Cameron is all moved into college. It's still strange for me to think of him as a college student. He's definitely an adult now, and that's obvious. He came to visit me one weekend, showing off his new programming skills already! I'm impressed with him every day. I know his program is hard, but I also have every confidence that he will do nothing but succeed.

On September 2, I had my first real surgery. I had been having some issues/feeling like poo for several months. Turns out I have a lazy gallbladder (considering I'm lazy in a lot of ways, this wasn't that surprising). Actually, correction, turns out I had a lazy gallbladder. As of 9/2/09 it no longer exists in my body.

The surgery experience stressed and scared me more than I thought it would. It's a routine surgery, and, quite frankly, a minor surgery, as well. But, I spent quite a bit of time from the day we scheduled it until the day it happened in freak out mode. I cried a lot. I worried a lot. I stressed a lot. It was bad, I'm not going to lie. God bless my husband and his amazing amount of patience and love for me. I have never felt so...undeserving...of him as a spouse as I have through the last 3 months.

The day of surgery I really wanted to run away. But, I didn't. The health care providers at the local hospital were great - understanding of my fears and did what they could to alleviate them! They were able to get the IV in the first time (and it hurt, but Tim held my hand), the anesthesiologist was a pro, asking the right questions and making me feel comfortable. They put something in my IV that made me a little lightheaded, and I was wheeled into the operating room. I remember thinking the room was cold, old and blue...and then I was waking up in recovery about 90 minutes later. I felt sick to my stomach and my throat had never been so dry.

Still out of it, they wheeled me up to the short stay floor and made me move from the gurney to the actual hospital bed. Apparently it was hard to do, because it seemed to take me forever! Then, I was brought ice and sprite and got to see Tim. He was so sweet and concerned. He said he met with the dr and surgery went as well as it could go. They were able to do it the easy way, and my gallbladder was damaged and definitely needed to come out.

Even though it was outpatient surgery, I was still in the hospital for about 10 hours. Longer than I thought I would be.

Recovery has been a lot slower than I anticipated. I had talked to a few people who were 'up and at 'em' within a couple days of their surgery. that was not me at all. Thursday and Friday were a blur of basically staying in bed and not moving more than necessary. Mom and cam came for saturday and sunday morning (and i cried when they left). Came back to work Tuesday, the 8th (mom's birthday). I'm still a little sore today and get tired easy, but am starting to feel more and more like myself.

Surgery was an interesting experience, and one I hope I don't have to have too often.