Words & Actions

Anyone that knows me well knows that I truly believe actions speak louder than words. I'm a firm believer in the do what I do, not what I say idea. I know that I have to live by example, and I know I will make more mistakes than I care to admit. I also know that what I say has no meaning if it's not followed by authentic actions that reinforce those ideas.

I was recently on the web page of a group with whom I used to be associated. Their website spoke at length about inclusion, honest conversation, growth, acceptance, etc, etc, etc. But, having been a part of that group for a few months, I felt like the whole site was full of half-truths and misleadings (yes, I know that's not a real word!). I'm not going to go into details, but I've rarely felt so misled, betrayed and lied to as I was during my time with them.

So, being on their website (curiosity kills sometimes, right??!) made me start thinking about the whole idea of actions v. words. Sure, you can say you respect everyone and that everyone has an opinion that matters, but when push comes to shove, what do your actions reflect? Because, I won't remember words written on a paper - but I will remember the way I was treated and the way those I love were treated. And I will remember what you said and what you did that hurt. And, then, when you claim to be something else, I will have a very hard time believing you and trusting again.

I think that is even more true for Christians. What we say and what we do is a lot more visible to the world than our 'ideals and morals' that we hold up as being infallible. If someone says a good person doesn't cuss, then cuss, that hurts their cause. If someone says drinking is wrong, but then has a drink, that's hypocritical. If someone claims to be tolerant, but then gets defensive and angry at the first hint of dissidence, that's childish. It's important to remember, now more than ever, that people are watching what we do and how we act a lot more than their listening to what we say and what we claim to believe.

My goal is to be the same person in private that I am in public. It doesn't always happen, but I'm working on it. Am I perfect? Goodness, not even close! Do I mess up all the time? ALL the time! Do I want to be better at being just one version - the best version - of who I am? Yes.

In the Storm

This is the radar image of what is happening outside right now, according to Wish-TV 8 in Indianapolis. It doesn't look good, does it?

But, from where I sit, as long as I don't turn and look out the window, it doesn't seem like that at all. There might be a storm about to rage somewhere nearby, but I don't see it if I don't look out the window.

How similar is that to your life? I know it's pretty appropriate to mine! There is always a storm blowing somewhere - bills, health issues, family issues, work issues, faith issues - and it's easy to just sit in my little world and pretend it's not there - pretend there isn't something raging right outside the door. The problem with pretending there is no storm is that sooner or later, it will make itself more obvious. Lights will flicker, hail will fall, trees will be struck with lightning. There comes a point when you can no longer pretend the storm isn't there and you have a choice - deal with it or cower in fear. Me, when it comes to storms, I like to cower. Especially at night. I don't like the thunder and lightning in the dark. I don't like not being able to see what is coming and see what might be lurking just outside the window. This is a new thing - a recent change and quirk in my personality.

What I've realized is that I treat my personal storms the same way. I hide from them until I can no longer ignore that they are real. And then, the walls come crashing down, my tears flow and my world starts spinning into that strange darkness where I can't see what's coming next. Now, let me emphasize that right now is NOT one of those times. I feel pretty good. There aren't any big storms in my life right now. Sure, there is the normal stress or work and home - being a good wife, a good friend, a good daughter and sister. There is the constant stress of wanting to be 30-40 pounds lighter and the constant storm between being lazy and being strong. But those are all little storms.

I know people who are in the storm of uncertain health, waiting for a diagnosis or a surgery that will change their lives.

I know people who are in the storm of lost jobs, hoping to find a way to support themselves and their family.

I know people who are in the storm of loneliness, those they love far away from them.

I know people who are in the storm of war, waiting for loved ones to return and then leave again.

I know people in so many storms, and I know so many people who aren't revealing their storms at all. But, those storms exist, and they are powerful, and they are damaging.

While my heart wants to calm the storm and drive the rain clouds away, I know I cannot. Sometimes the storms have to rage, just so we can see what happens when they are over. After the tornado, there is often a rainbow. After all the rain, the sun comes out again. And, at least for me, I tend to appreciate the green grass and the blooming flowers a lot more after the storm has passed. The same is true in life - the storm is scary, disheartening and even frightening. The storm shakes your world, your faith and your life. But, the storm will end, and when it does, you will see a new place, a new piece of your world, fresh from near-destruction, but already rebuilding, vibrant and alive.

So, keep the faith during the storm. Don't be afraid to be afraid. But, when the storm is at is peak and everything is howling and shaking around you, remember that it will end. It has to end. And that end is really just another new beginning.

Where has the time gone???

I just realized it's been approximately forever since I've actually blogged. So, here's what's been going on since the Race for the Cure weekend...

I turned 30. Turns out, it wasn't that big of a deal. I ate lunch at my favorite restaurant with my darling husband. We had dinner at a great local pizza place with a bunch of friends. I felt loved, appreciated, and very happy. It's been an interesting first 30 years. I'm excited to see what the next 30 hold!

Projects like crazy at work were very time-consuming. I was tired almost every day when I went home. I love my job and I love the people I work with, but the start of 2009 just about killed me!

But, I did participate in another community theatre show. I left this experience happy and having renewed faith in community theatre. It may never win awards in this town, or even truly be appreciated, but it was fun! I met some new friends, reconnected with some old ones, and still miss hanging out with my cast mates! I hope to do another show soon.

After the show wrapped, Tim and I ran away - on vacation. Our 11-state road trip led us to Biloxi and New Orleans, then back through Arkansas. We had a great time. Some observations from the trip - apparently Alabama is where armadillos and semi tires go to die. I had never seen so many of either on the side of the roads. I am slightly concerned about the armadillo population in the world after seeing so many dead on the side of the road!

Biloxi was a lot of fun. We spent a day walking around the city, a day on a barrier island in the gulf, and lots of time just enjoying being away from it all for awhile. We saw the mark Katrina left on the city, how so many buildings are still gone or sitting empty after 3 and 1/2 years, and how many lives must have been changed. One day, we talked for awhile with a Vietnam vet that was at a memorial in Biloxi. his picture was on the wall of Purple Heart recipients. It was humbling to meet someone who had been through hell and back and still loved his country so much.

On our way to New Orleans from Biloxi, we stopped at the Stennis Space Center, where they test-fire engines for the space program. I am so happy I am married to someone who loves airplanes and space travel and all that stuff as much as I do!

New Orleans was big. A lot bigger than I thought it would be. We weren't there long, so we didn't get to do a lot, but we did walk around the French Quarter for a day, took a buggy ride, went to the Aquarium and Imax, ate at Bubba Gump and took in the sites (some good and some a little...risque) and sounds of the city. I wish we would have had more time there, but it's not a place I'm dying to go back to, either.

On our way home, we stopped at the Crater of Diamonds State Park in Arkansas. Turns out, for $7 a person, you can dig for diamonds - finders, keepers. It was rainy and gross outside, and we didn't find any diamonds, but it was still a fun way to wrap up the trip. As we left, we found a Firehouse Subs (Tim loved their food) and then drove through some scary storms.

After vacation, we survived another crazy week of VBX. Tim and I helped out with the skits and Tim made maybe the coolest graphics he's ever done. On top of mornings doing Bible school, we still worked a full week. Whew!

Cameron graduated from high school. He was always a great kid, and he's grown into a great young man. He'll be attending Rose-Hulman in the fall. I hope to see him more since he'll be closer than he's been since I left for college and never actually left Bloomington all those years ago!

And, to top off all the craziness, we're getting a puppy! Her name is Madison and she's a long-hair chihuahua. We just found out we can pick her up on Monday and I am so excited! I've wanted a puppy for a long time, and I am so glad we found one we're pretty sure isn't going to send Tim into allergy fits!

So, that's where I've been lately. Life is good. Full. Happy. Unexpected. Good.