8.26.2008

Library and Book Review - Dear Mr. Henshaw

I had a successful trip to the library yesterday (I didn't make it over the weekend like I had hoped). Most of the books I wanted to read were in (rare) and I found a parking place on my first trip around the block (even more unheard of in Bloomington).

Because I know you're dying to know, here are the books I checked out:

Dear Mr. Henshaw
The Twenty-One Balloons
The Witch of Blackbird Pond
A View From Saturday
The Big Over Easy
The Red Tent
Once Upon a Marigold
Roommates Wanted

Most of these books fulfill my two reading challenges for 2008. Hopefully I can get them done quickly. I have changed a couple of my original picks because I have heard bad things about the books or because I wasn't in the mood to read them again.

Last night I read Dear Mr. Henshaw. It's a short book, and an easy read, so it didn't take long at all. I admit, I have read this book several times, but still enjoy it and haven't read it since I was in middle school, most likely. The progression of Leigh from a small child to a boy with a lot of dreams and hopes and feelings is well-written and subtle at the same time. Through Leigh's journal and letters to Mr. Henshaw, we learn all about his life.

My favorite thing about this book is that it is told without traditional narrative. Everything is written from Leigh's hand - his thoughts and dreams exactly as they come out. I love that it is written like a peek into the story - all we know about Leigh and his life is what he chooses to tell us. I love that the character can have complete control but we still feel like we can read between the lines and know more of the story than what he is telling Mr. Henshaw (and us).

What's more, it's the story about one little boy following a dream - no matter how small the steps toward the dream may be. It's a fast read, and and enjoyable diversion from the 'real world.'

8.25.2008

Tired. Very Tired.

Tired.
I am very tired.
This weekend was exhausting.


Three trips to Indianapolis
Three performances.

Time to mourn.
Time to laugh.
Time with my mom and Jill.
Time to talk about what's been bothering me this month.
Time to reflect.


Not enough time to sleep.
Not enough time to do it all.
Not enough time to wander aimlessly.
Not enough time to be able to process it all.
Not enough time to change things.


I am tired.
Very tired.
Tonight I will stay at home and rest.
Tomorrow I will start over.



8.24.2008

Love You Forever

My dad died 12 years ago today. I don't know why I feel like I have to document this on my blog every year, but I've noticed I usually do. Looking back on my past posts, I see him in a lot of y decisions and my life.

This was from the year before I got married.
This one made me cry all over again.

I love him. I miss him. There is a part of me that will always be missing something - the part that wants to talk to him and run to him. He was a wonderful man, imperfect and crazy sometimes, but I would have loved to see him age and change with me.

Night, daddy. You are in my heart.
Today.
Always.

8.22.2008

Read This

You should read this post by my friend Nicole. As a Christian and a person, sometimes I know I'm WAY meaner than I ever should be, and this post was a good reminder of the kind of Jesus I want to show the world.

(and, as a side note, I've never met Nicole. She's a blog-friend. However, I'm also convinced we would be sisters in another world and I pray that someday God will bring us together to meet for real!)

How big of a nerd does it make me...

...that I am really excited about going to the library tomorrow, even if it means i have to find a place to park downtown...stupid downtown parking!

I even have my list of books I want to check out - hopefully most of them are in!
What's on the list? Glad you asked!

"Into the Wild"
"The Twenty-One Balloons"
"Witch of Blackbird Pond"
"Sounder"
"Dear Mr. Henshaw"
"View from Saturday"
The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane"
"The Red Tent"
"Hope for the Flowers"

All but one of these books fulfill something on the two reading challenges I've signed up to do this year!

8.21.2008

There Are No Words

Do you ever feel like you have a lot to say, but when it comes time to say it, the words just aren't there? Have you ever felt like you want to let people in so they can know what is going on in your heart, but when they ask, you still say it's all fine? Have you ever been burdened but unsure why? That's how i'm feeling today.

Yesterday I read a quote that has stuck with me.

"It is good to be between a ruined house of bondage and a holy promised land."
~Leonard Cohen~

Now, I know my life takes place in that very place - between who I was and who God is calling me to be. But I've noticed lately that I see more of the sadness and pain in the world. A dear friend who I love is hurting because this last year has been one of the hardest of her life. I cannot do much but to let her know I'm right here, loving her as best I can.

A project I thought would be a great experience has become this thing that is full of stress, anger and animosity. I thought it would be hard for it to end, but honestly, I cannot wait at this point. Through it, friendships have been bent and broken and disallusionment has set in many hearts.

I find myself short-tempered and exhausted most days this week. I have too many irons in too many fires. I know I just have to make it through August and it will get better, but these next 10 days seem too long and too packed full to ever be over.

I am missing a weekend with my husband this weekend. We knew it was coming and a series of events that just came in the wrong order meant there was nothing that could be done about it. I know he's okay with it and understands, but it breaks my heart that I can't go to the wedding with him and I can't be part of that experience. I thought it wouldn't be that big of a deal for me - I wasn't prepared for the amount of sadness I have felt this week about the whole thing.

And then there's this Sunday. the weekend is going to be exhausting and hard enough without the realization that it is the anniversary of my dad's death. I know it shouldn't surprise me that it still bothers me so much, but wow, it does. Some years are worse than others. This year, I can already tell, is going to be hard. 12 years. My dad has been gone for 12 years. Wow. I think it is hitting me harder this year because I feel more distanced from that side of my family than I ever have.

So right now, I'm a jumble of emotions and feelings.




8.15.2008

O.A.A. Meetings

This is how I imagine an OAA (Olympics Addicts Anonymous) meeting going.

***

Hello.

My name is Emily and I'm addicted to the Olympics.

Hello Emily.

I cannot stop watching, even when it's one in the morning and I'm exhausted.

Welcome to our Olympics Addicts Anonymous meeting.

Thanks.

What are you most addicted to?

What is on today? (uncomfortable laughter).

That's not an answer.

But it's the truth. I'll watch it all. 4.5 hours of opening ceremonies? No problem. Welterweight boxing? Okay.

Do you even know what "welterweight" means?

No. Nor do I care. Plus, then there's that syncro diving - amazing. And gymnastics. And that swimmer...what's his name?

Michael Phelps.

I was kidding. I know his name. Who doesn't know his name? I think even small children would recognize him on the street.

Anyway, what can I do? Are there like 12 steps or something to follow? I need my life back.

First of all, admitting you have a problem is the first step. Secondly...

There's more?

Yes.

Darn.

Yes.

Well? Why do you keep looking over my shoulder?

Secondly, pull up a chair. It only happens once every 4 years and it looks like Phelps is about to break another world record.

Sweet!

Remember, you can sleep later. There's sports history to be watched now!

8.14.2008

One Weekend Gone

Peace on Terror opened last weekend. I feel like I've been doing this show basically forever, so I was glad it finally opened. The shows went well - although 4 shows in 3 days was a physically exhausting experience for me. I'm used to high school theater where you rehearse for two+ months for one weekend of shows! I know professional actors do severals shows a week for many weekends on end, but that is also their job! Working full time and doing the show and trying to still see my husband and have a life is a lot of work.

We have three weekends left to go. I am excited, but also so ready for it to be done.

Audiences for the most part have been receptive to the show. It's hard when you do something so emotionally-charged and that carries so much issues and so much baggage with it. People's feelings get hurt and people don't always react the way they should to situations that are emotional and frustrating. For the most part, I have kept my personal feelings to myself, at least as much as I can. And, I will continue to do so for the run of the show. However, it's been rough sometimes to put a bunch of people with wildly different views in front of an audience and let them ask questions and say whatever they want/need to say. A definite learning experience!

So, if you're still interested in seeing the show, let me know. It's at the BPP this weekend and then we head to Indy for a couple weekends of shows (and way too much driving back and forth, forth and back).


8.08.2008

All The World's A Stage...

It has been a while since I posted anything on this blog. My world has been busy and exhausting the last several weeks, so just keeping up with the normal stuff has been difficult.

I found out last week that one of my favorite teachers in high school, Cathy Knopp, died unexpectedly last week. It was hard for me to think about and process, because she had such a profound influence on my life. She was a great teacher - making English exciting and interesting.

She was also someone who took the time to get to know me as a person, not just a student, and who taught me to love theatre in all its forms, to be brave on the stage, and to not shy away from something that I loved so much.

She was the one who believed in me enough to cast me as the "Stage Manager" in Our Town when I was just a Junior in high school - not because I was there, but because she believed I could do it.

She was the one who labored with me when I sat in the teacher's lounge trying to cast my first show as a director, Little Women. She was the one who encouraged my choices and promised to stand by me.

She was the one who let me have a dream role, Beatrice in Much Ado about Nothing, as a Senior.

She was the one who encouraged me to learn everything I could about theatre in High School, and who enjoyed having me spend my free time in her classroom.

She was the one who cried with me when my father died when I was 17.

She was the one who taught me that Shakespeare was beautiful, that magic could happen on the stage, and that no matter who you are in your 'real' life, the possibilities on the stage are limitless.

She was a rare woman who invested 30 years of her life into a little school in northeast Indiana. She loved her students and believed in the good in everyone. She lived her faith quietly and clearly, never pushing it, but you always knew she was praying for the students she was teaching.

She will be deeply missed.

When I think of her, I automatically go to Shakespeare and his infamous "Seven Ages of Man" from As You Like It.

"All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts,

His acts being seven ages.

At first the infant,

Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms;

And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel

And shining morning face, creeping like snail

Unwillingly to school.

And then the lover,

Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad

Made to his mistress' eyebrow.

Then a soldier,

Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,

Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,

Seeking the bubble reputation

Even in the cannon's mouth.

And then the justice,

In fair round belly with good capon lin'd,

With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,

Full of wise saws and modern instances;

And so he plays his part.

The sixth age shifts

Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,

With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;

His youthful hose, well sav'd, a world too wide

For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,

Turning again toward childish treble, pipes

And whistles in his sound.

Last scene of all,

That ends this strange eventful history,

Is second childishness and mere oblivion;

Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything."

— Jaques (Act II, Scene VII, lines 139-166)

I know she wasn't through her "seven ages" yet, but her legacy will live through innumerable lives.