Weighed Down

I have been weighed down, quite literally, by my weight for several years. Those of you that know me and have read my blog know that this is not the first time I've dealt with this issue or the first time I have started a diet...but here I am again...back on weight watchers. For the first time since I did weight watchers back in 2002/2003, I feel like I am on track. I am trying hard, counting my points, and doing my best to get my water in. I am working out and trying to be positive.

However, something else that isn't a surprise to anyone is that it is hard. I know I didn't get to be overweight overnight, and I know it will take a long time to get to the point where I am not overweight again, but wow...I am tired of the slow loss of weight.

And, for some reason, this time around I am much more emotional about the whole process. I wish I could pinpoint why that is, but I can't. I don't know why little setbacks reduce me to tears in the weight watchers bathroom or why I feel like I just. can't. do. it. I don't know why I get so down on myself and so negative toward my little successes. I don't know why I feel so guilty with every bite I take, no matter if it's a slice of pizza or a piece of banana. I don' t know why I am ashamed and frustrated all at the same time.

I just know that this process is not going to be easy. that's why I wrote about it here today. Not get sympathy or to try and justify my strange moodiness, but because this is where I write about my life. And right now my life is about this.

Well, I Guess It's True

I love the way the TV Guide Channel explains movies. Here is my favorite.


"A brilliant yet troubled teen solves math problems."


The movie?


Good Will Hunting.


Yeah, I think that description about sums up the entire movie.

Improving the World

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. ~Anne Frank, Diary of a Young Girl, 1952

Just a few days ago Indiana was hit with some of he worst flooding in 100 years. There are communities completely wiped out and devastated. Everyone wants to do something, ANYTHING, to help, but finding out what to do is hard. On Sunday we issued a challenge. Bring water. Any water. It's cheap, it's not even really a sacrifice - and it will make a huge difference.

I am humbled about the way the church heard the cry for help and responded. By Sunday night, the doors were already full of water. By Monday we were moving water into Fellowship Hall. By Tuesday someone counted close to 700 cases (not including the ones already taken last week). Yesterday 250 cases went to Columbus. They were almost out of water and didn't know where more would come from. Today we sent another 250 cases to Paragon. And there is still more water coming in every day and more water to be sent out.

I know it seems ironic that in a flood people are so desperate for water. But it's the truth. I am so proud of our congregation and how they are stepping up in a hundred little ways - water, money, time...to make a difference in the lives of people who lost almost everything in the flood.

Always be prepared

Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you're living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy. Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick. - 1 Peter 3:15-17 (The Message)

I had a very interesting, yet amazingly difficult conversation with a couple friends last night. It's a conversation I kind of expected to have at some point, but still was not prepared. Neither of them are Christian, and both are outspoken and opinionated about most things. I also really like both of them and enjoy their company. However, last night was hard.

One of them considers herself a 'reformed Jew.' The other grew up in a Christian home, but no longer believes most of it. He also has a journalist mentality and asks tons of hypothetical questions.

So anyway, we were at dinner last night, and we started talking about faith - what I believe, specifically. that is not difficult for me to articulate - they know I work at a church - they know that I believe in Jesus Christ and the Bible and the authority of scripture. I believe in right and wrong, good and bad, heaven and hell. That was the easy part. Answering their questions and hypothetical situations was hard.

I realized something, as well. I have no idea how to defend my faith when someone doesn't believe the Bible is literal, true, or inspired. My arguments for Christ, for His plan of salvation, are based on the scripture of the old and new testaments. My reasons for why I believe, other than the heart-internal stuff that is hard to articulate, is found in the Scripture around which I live. And, when someone says the Bible is full of good suggestions and not meant to be taken literally. The "well, this is what it says in the Bible" argument falls flat in those situations, or at least it did for me last night. How do you defend that? How do you argue for your religion, when someone is argumentative and wants to just see how far they can go? How do you stand up for your God when someone readily believes that there is no punishment, no retribution, not absolutes? How do you articulate clearly and openly the truth you KNOW in your heart to be true when the basis of that truth is removed?

I did a skit in college about three girls, one of which only knew of faith and life what her parents had drilled into her. At the end, faced with a world of uncertainty, she wonders what she believes "well, about anything." I felt a little of that last night. I know what I believe. I know what in my heart I hold to be true. I know the impact and difference my faith has made in me and the lives of people I know. I believe in God, that Jesus Christ was the fulfillment of prophesy, both God and Man, and that His death saved me from my own sin. I believe I am not perfect, but am forgiven. I believe that nothing can separate me from the love of my Creator. I believe without God I am nothing.

But sharing that faith is harder than I ever thought, especially with people who respect you and appreciate you, but do not believe there is any way what you say is true. How do you do it?

The Week in Pictures...

...and words...

this week was VBX - it's always fun to see all the kids running around, singing, laughing, playing, and getting excited about learning about God. This year the theme was "International Treasure" and the kids learned about the importance of the Bible and what it really means for their lives.


For the first time in a few years, I got to be a part of the skits for VBX. I have such a good time doing it and I was so glad to be back. We had a lot of fun, and I got to wear my hair in pigtails for the week! It's like a week of improv, and it's great!


In the middle of the week, the weather here in Indiana decided to turn just plain scary. Bloomington flooded after some insane rain on Wednesday....


...and then Martinsville and 1/2 of Southern Indiana flooded on Saturday. The worst flood in almost 100 years - and it was insane just to see the pictures.


And that is a scale. I hate scales. But, i'm going to back to weight watchers soon. It's the only thing that seems to have worked.

What is with this weather?

I haven't really ever bought into the whole global warming thing - I mean, I know that we don't treat our environment well most of the time, but I still don't know that I ever really thought climate change, etc., was as bad as everyone said.

But, it seems like the last few months has had some of the strangest weather!  It was COLD in Indiana for a long time - a lot longer than I seem to remember.  When Tim and I returned from vacation, we actually had to turn on the heater for a couple nights - at the end of MAY!  Winter was strange - sometimes cold, lots of rain, not as much snow, more ice than I had ever seen - strange.

Now it's June and we've had some of the craziest storms.  I know it's not just Indiana (the what, 700 tornados around the country so far this year would prove that) but wow.  We've had some just plain insane storms - the other night I could basically do nothing but watch as the sheets of rain came down and flooded Bloomington!  Tonight, I'm sitting here at the church still - not because I have anything to do, but because Tim is still working and it looks like it might storm YET AGAIN.  

I don't like storms.  I like to pretend that I do sometimes, but I don't.  I like a nice gentle rain.  I am not a fan of tornado sirens, howling winds, and strong rains.  I don't know why it's something that has started to bother me more and more, but it is.  I would just as soon not have a storm to deal with...I hate it!  I don't want it to storm again.  I don't want to worry about hail and winds and trees coming down.  I don't want to be afraid.  I know I'm not supposed to be afraid, but I still am... Storms make my stomach hurt and my heart race.  I now it doesn't make sense, but this is my blog, and it is part of who I am!

Digging Deep

I am part of an acting project now that I can already tell is going to stretch me as an actor, and probably as a person. It's something I agreed to do back in March, and am still glad I am a part of...and am amazed at the depth it's going to pull me to, and quickly.

I haven't had to do a lot of theater that asked me to think about what I think and why I think the way I do. I haven't done much acting that requires me to get in touch with the emotions hiding deep inside me. I haven't done much that makes me want to scream one minute and cry the next. I haven't been part of something that makes me a little uncomfortable, but i still believe in deeply.

I haven't said much about it here, because it's hard to describe. It's hard to put into words without them coming out all wrong, because it's deep. And hard. And a little controversial, I'm sure.

I do know that it is going to stretch me both as an actor and as a person, and for that I am grateful. I just hope I can live up to their expectations of what I can do!