Out of Touch

It seems strange to have gone so long without blogging. I was at home Wednesday-Sunday last week, and the dial up connection that is touchy at best doesn't really allow for much time spent in blogland. I did, however, realize something when I was home. I miss my blogfriends when I don't get to catch up with their lives for a few days. It's funny how people you don't even know in real life suddenly become important to you. Have they seen that movie everyone is talking about (in our case, RENT)? How was their thanksgiving? Are they gearing up for the holiday season? What is going on in their worlds?

Anyway, since it feels like, even to me, that it's been an eon since I've blogged, this could be a bit sporadic...and long.

Take a deep breath and begin!

There is something that I just don't understand about myself. I've lived in Indiana since I was four. I've lived most of that time in northern Indiana, land of the leftover lake effect snow and the guaranteed at least 5 snow days a year. I learned to drive in the snow in a 1984 Renault Eagle that was barely being held together by buttons and luck. But it doesn't matter now. I hate to drive in snow. I don't mind the whole white christmas thing, as long as it's white after I get to my destination. On the way there, it's not nearly as exciting. :) The day I went home for thanksgiving, my hometown was under a winter storm warning. In November. It's been awhile since that happened. I've been reading Katie's blog about the current weather situation in Alaska and I think I'd die. I love the sun. I love seeing the sun and feeling the sun and watching the sun. Choosing to live in a place that is dark and cold and covered in snow several months out of the year has no appeal to me...but those summers of endless light I could probably handle! It's getting seriously bad. In the spring, I can be up and out the door well before 8. Once it gets dark, it's hard to get up with the sun still in hiding. I just want to keep on sleeping. I've been oversleeping by about 40 minutes consistently. That's definitely not a good thing!

What else? I saw RENT. I'll write more about it soon. Too much to put here, I think.

Going home was great. Spending time with my mom is always good. We have a lot of fun and laugh a lot. We went and tried on wedding dresses (okay, I did most of the trying on!) on Saturday. It was hilarious. We always have adventures when we try and shop for clothes and heavy wedding dresses are definitely funnier than most. It's a good thing she was there! I love her so much. She's so happy for us and so excited. She never got the big wedding, so she wants to make sure mine is special and just what I've dreamed it will be. Which I already know will be the case. I really wish they weren't 3.5 hours north. I know it's not far and many people are farther away than that, but still. I wish they were closer. I'm very close to my family, especially my mom.

Getting back into the groove of work has been hard this week. I'd still rather be at home. I'm getting most of my Christmas shopping done, though, which is good. I'll be glad when it's done. I'm doing a little more online than I usually do, but that's where I'm finding the best deals. So there we go. I did get cards and wrapping paper and I'm thinking I'll probably get the tree out tomorrow. I have to move the entertainment center still. I moved the fish tank (and cleaned it!) on Monday. Woo-hoo. Rearranging is always fun!

I'm going to audition for the Monroe County Civic Theater production of Sleeping Beauty this evening. Makes me nervous. I haven't actually auditioned in a long time, but it's just a cold read from the script, so at least I don't feel like I could prepare anymore than I have--which is more mental than anything. I think today I'll whip up a theater resume, just so they see I have some experience in these things. I'll let you know how it goes!

11 Months

By this time 11 months from now, I will officially be a MRS! How fun is that? I'll try and get a real post in soon. Let's just say short week + two offerings = one crazy emily!

Speaker Phone & HTML

I'm not sure who invented the speaker phone, but I kind of think I want to find them and break their fingers. I have a co-worker who uses the speaker phone for EVERYTHING, to the point where it just annoys me to death. It makes me want to slam my door and blare my music. GRR :)

Does anyone out there know HTML? I downloaded my fun template from some random site, but would really like to use blogger comments features instead of the one on there. Any guesses as to how I might be able to do that?

Only In Indiana

I really have had a hard time posting this week, because my post from Monday just makes me so amazingly giddy and happy. At least the nice thing is that I can just look down at my hand, see the ring, and rejoice. Here's a picture. Granted, it's not very good, but it's something. I'll get Tim to take a nice one soon...and a picture of both of us together soon. I need a good updated one. And I KNOW the family will want one :)




Like I said, they're BAD pictures under the bad little light in my bedroom...

Anyway, the real subject of this post was supposed to be the only in Indiana weather we've been having. This weekend it was in the 70's and sunshine. Beautiful. Outside in a T-shirt with no jacket kind of weather. Tuesday night we spent most of the evening under tornado warnings, with sirens going off and 3 confirmed twisters in Indiana. Wednesday...snow. Not accumulating snow, but flurries pretty much all day. The same thing today. There were flurries this morning. Now the sun is out and it's still frigid. Indiana weather is an experience unlike many others. Despite the cold, though, I am chipper and excited. Trying not to get ahead of ourselves in the planning the wedding thing, but wanting to do it anyway!

All I Ask of You

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you
Share each day with me, each night, each morning
Say you love me, that's all I ask of you

We're getting married! Tim proposed yesterday is the most beautiful, amazing, perfect way possible. He made a DVD that said "Emily, will you marry me? -Tim" and behind it was a beautiful jumble of blue and green hearts (my favorite colors). "All I Ask of You" from the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack played on and he was on one knee with the single most beautiful ring I have ever seen.

It was perfect. It was magical. It was the stuff on which dreams are made.

I am the happiest girl in the world today. As Tim said this morning, in 341 days I will be Mrs. Bedwell. I will be a Mrs! How exciting is that? We have such amazing things to look forward to and such great friends and family to support us. It's going to be so great.

The date you ask? October 21, 2006. Sherwood Oaks Christian Church. Bloomington, Indiana. Two hearts will become one. Two lives will become one.

It's time to celebrate!

Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Let me lead you from your solitude
Say you need me with you here, beside you
Anywhere you go, let me go, too
That's all I ask of you

Because

Just getting ready to leave the office and thought I'd do this. Seems I'm still okay smart, anyway :)

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

Restless

I'm finding myself increasingly restless. I honestly wonder if it is in some way a direct reaction to my Captivating study on Monday night. We talked about the differences between being at rest and striving. I want so much to be at rest--to be calm, safe, and secure in His grasp, knowing that he is in control. Instead I find myself striving--striving to be more, find more, believe more. And it is making me restless. Little things spark my ire and frustration. I'm feeling selfish and somewhat hopeless at the same time. I want to know that peace and calm that comes from simply knowing that God is God and in control. I can't seem to find it, though. At least not this week. It has been one of those weeks. You know the ones I'm talking about, I'm sure. We've all had them. Weeks where it hasn't been bad, per se, but it's been....blah. One of those weeks that, if you allowed it to, could really kick your butt. But, I don't want to complain, I don't want to vent, I don't want my blog to become a place where it whine about all the little things going on in my life. Instead, I'm going to once again follow Meagan's suggestion and write about a 'happiness' that has happened in my life, at least on a semi-regular basis. I think as a person and as a Christian, it's important to remember and celebrate the good, no matter how big or small it may be. The bad and the hurtful, the frustrating and the questioning--all those things are easy to remember, to dwell on, and to let yourself get sucked into. The happy, the joy, the good...it easily gets swept aside. And that is just the opposite of the way it really should be. We should celebrate the things that deserve celebrating and give the hard stuff, the painful stuff, the 'icky' stuff up to God and allow him to work through us and for us.

So, it is Friday and here is something small and happy.

I am directing a drama for church on the 20th. We had our first rehearsal last night. It went well, the cast is hilarious and works well together. For a few moments, I felt completely back in my element and like I was using one small gift I've been given for Him. I don't get that opportunity enough, so it is nice when it happens. Two friends were there and we got to talk about musical theater and our love for all things stage-related. It was good. It was happy.

Summer, Highland Falls

For those of you who know me well, you know I am a HUGE Billy Joel fan. HUGE. I woke up this morning with this song in my head. It's by far one of my favorites.

Summer, Highland Falls
They say that these are not the best of times
But they're the only times I've ever known
And I believe there is a time for meditation
In cathedrals of our own
Now I have seen that sad surrender in my lover's eyes
And I can only stand apart and sympathize
For we are always what our situations hand us
It's either sadness or euphoria

And so we'll argue and we'll compromise
And realize that nothing's ever changed
For all our mutual experience
Our separate conclusions are the same
Now we are forced to recognize our inhumanity
Our reason co-exists with our insanity
So we choose between reality and madness
It's either sadness or euphoria

How thoughtlessly we dissipate our energies
Perhaps we don't fulfill each other's fantasies
And as we stand upon the ledges of our lives
With our respective similarities
It's either sadness or euphoria

Lyrically I think he's a genius. I once saw an interview where someone said that he, Billy, was able to sum up an entire lifetime of experiences in three minute songs. I think Summer, Highland Falls is one of those songs. I think it takes the ups and downs of life and says, you know what, you have a choice in your life. Things are going to happen. Life is going to happen. But there is another place between sadness and euphoria that exists...it's the grey area between those two drastic emotions. Strangely enough, there is another Billy Joel song that deals with that issue, as well...

Shades of Grey
Some things were perfectly clear, seen with the vision of youth
No doubts and nothing to fear, I claimed the corner on truth
These days it's harder to say I know what I'm fighting for
My faith is falling away
I'm not that sure anymore

Shades of grey wherever I go
The more I find out the less that I know
Black and white is how it should be
But shades of grey are the colors I see

Once there were trenches and walls and one point of every view
Fight 'til the other man falls - kill him before he kills you
These days the edges are blurred, I'm old and tired of war
I hear the other man's words
I'm not that sure anymore

Shades of grey are all that I find
When I look to the enemy line
Black and white was so easy for me
But shades of grey are the colors I see

Now with the wisdom of years, I try to reason things out
And the only people I fear are those who never have doubts
Save us all from arrogant men, and all the causes they're for
I won't be righteous againI'm not that sure anymore

Shades of grey are all that I find
When I look to the enemy line
Ain't no rainbows shining on me
Shades of grey are the colors I see
Shades of grey wherever I go
The more I find out the less that I know
Ain't no rainbows shining on me
Shades of grey are the colors I see

Both of these songs are in my head today. We talked about it at church on Sunday- gone are the days of black and white. I don't think this entry has a point, other than to 1 say Billy Joel is still a genius, even if he's a drunken genius, and 2, life is good. It's hard and there is a lot going on, but at the end of the day, it's all worth the tears and the triumphs.

Censorship

Lately I've found myself torn when it comes to blogging. I have wanted to share what is going on in my life and, moreso, in my head...but I have been hesitant because of the medium in which I have chosen to communicate (blogging). Is it bad to impose self-censorship on your blog because of one or more people that you know read it? Is it bad to want the opinions and comments of a group of relative strangers but know that this is not the way you really should express yourself? I guess what I've been wanting to do is journal-really journal-and in so many ways my blog has become my journal. But, is what I feel the desire to say really something I want other people to read? Or is it really issues I just need to work out for myself to myself, with myself?

What is it about this whole thing that is so strange and difficult yet beautiful and exciting at the same time? Do I share my heart here, hoping for a sympathetic ear...even if it is more guarded and not as blunt? Or do I vent and cry and wail in my private journal that no one else will see...and possibly feel more alone and isolated in the process?

Change for the Sake of Change

(warning: The following is a bit of a rant. Pay it no mind.)

Sometimes it's the little things that make me crazy. I'm all for change. I'm all for improving the world and improving my job and doing things better. What bothers me is change for the sake of change. It's that whole "if something's not broke, don't fix it" mentality. Right now it's a struggle for me because I feel like there's a lot of 'stuff' being changed or being discussed as being changed because one person thinks it is a good idea. It's frustrating to me because, like it or not, some things actually WORK the way they WORK now. We don't have to change everything just because you're the new guy. I love when people make their jobs easier and, in doing so, make other people's jobs more difficult. that is perhaps my favorite thing in the world. I understand being new and feeling like you have something to prove, but c'mon! Let good enough be good enough for awhile. I'm sorry the system we uses causes 30 seconds more work for you, but changing it for me caused me about half an hour. And it's only half an hour, but it's my half an hour and you don't get to tell me what to do with it.

My favorite discussion recently is one that concerns my job almost 100% that I was brought into after the fact. Seems that there is discussion about maybe changing the database we use at work (okay, I use at work). Part of my job is to manage, update, and keep the database. What is annoying is not that there is talk of a switch, but that I heard someone talking to the rep from the 'new' company and saying "we're almost 100% sure we're going to change, there are just other people we have to get on board." So the decision to change has been made without asking me what it is going to do to my job. Change for the sake of change. The issue is not the database, but the fact that people don't use the database we have now, so what makes anyone think anyone will use the new one? Honestly it just makes me want to say no, it won't work, just to spite them in some way. I won't do that, but they need to understand that no decision is 100% there without Charlie and I agreeing to do it. It's what we DO. It's our job. And, looking at what the company has to offer, our system will do all the same things --IF PEOPLE WILL USE IT. Which they don't. Not my fault. And not worth the headache for me to change.

That's just one of a little things that have made my job a little more tedious lately. But it's fine.

This too shall pass, right?

Four is a Lovely Number

So I had nothing better to do while waiting for people to leave so I could do a backup of the database. I stole this from Meagan's blog!


FOUR THINGS YOU USE EVERYDAY:
Phone
Computer
Car
Toothbrush

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE:
Target Employee
Copywriter
Contributions & Publications Manager
Church Secretary

FOUR STORES YOU SHOP AT MOST:
Target
Old Navy
Wal-Mart (it’s cheap and close)
Kohls

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER:
The Princess Bride
The Shawshank Redemption
Happy Gilmore
Garden State

FOUR THINGS YOU WANT TO DO IN LIFE:
Get Married
Lose Weight
Go to Alaska
Retire independently wealthy

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION:
Costa Rica
Florida
Myrtle Beach
New York City

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:
gmail
Blogger
Indystar.com
Cnn

FOUR OF YOUR ALL-TIME FAVORITE RESTAURANTS:
Olive Garden
Trojan Horse
Donato’s
Texas Roadhouse

FOUR COSTUMES YOU'VE WORN ON HALLOWEEN:
She-Ra
A Unicorn
Wonder Woman
A Ladybug

FOUR SCHOOLS YOU ATTENDED:
Albion Elementary
Central Noble Middle School
Central Noble High School
Indiana University

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPINGS:
Cheese
Mushroom
Beef
Bacon

FOUR MOST DIALED NUMBERS:
Tim
Mom
Liz
Rene