Favorite Memories

Today is one of my favorite days. Not because of Halloween, but because it was the day Liz and I took the best road trip ever. Her sister decided to get married in Gatlinburg, TN...so Liz and I went down. Bloomington, Indiana to Gatlinburg, Tennessee and back (plus dinner and a wedding) all in just about 22 hours. Up before the sun had even thought about appearing, a quick 630 a.m. phone call to call in 'sick' to work (stupid job with no vacation time...grrr) and then on the road. I don't know if I've ever had more fun being in a car for like 14-16 hours before. I honestly think Liz and I's friendship changed (for the better, of course) on that long stretch of highway between our destinations.

I'm pretty sure we talked about everything from our insecurity issues to boys to being in draining jobs to what the future would hold. We talked about the wedding and how important it was for her to be there; and how important it was for me to be there with her. We talked about God, we talked about faith. We talked about being real and being human. We belted the lyrics to RENT and listened to some Caedmon's Call. We ate food we probably had no right to be eating and managed to make it to Gatlinburg in plenty of time for the wedding. Lunch and then the ceremony. A little time to socialize and then we were back on the road. Nothing like some nasty mixture of Red Bull and Mountain Dew and a dozen fresh Krispie Creme donuts to keep you going as the exhaustion set in.

The drive home was fine--until about Louisville. Then it became real hard to stay awake. Plastered to the wheel freezing air blowing to keep us awake. It was a journey unlike any other. We made it to my apartment, crashed in beds, and then managed to get up and go back to the jobs we hated.

That trip will always be one of my favorite memories of the million Liz and I already share. For me, it was special. It was a time where friendship was more important than anything else in the world. Happy Road Trip Day, Liz!

Downpour on My Soul

There are so many different emotions pouring through me right now, I feel like I'm flooded. I can't place them or give them names. I don't know where some of them are coming from or where some of them are leading. I am on the verge of tears one moment and almost giddy the next. It's hard to understand. These song lyrics have been going through my head for three days now:

Lift me up - when I’m falling
Lift me up - I’m weak and I’m dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - keep me from drowning again

Downpour on my soul
Splashing in the ocean, I’m losing control
Dark sky all around
I can’t feel my feet touching the ground

Calm the storms that drench my eyes
Dry the streams still flowing
Cast down all the waves of sin
And guilt that overthrow me

Lift me up - when I’m falling
Lift me up - I’m weak and I’m dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - keep me from drowning again (Jars of Clay "Flood")

The strange thing is that there is nothing really going on in my life to instigate any of these feelings. I can't point to anything fantastic that is any different, but at the same time, I can't find anything BAD, either. It's a strange place to be. Part of it, I know, is empathy. I have a friend who I love to pieces, and she's feeling out of sorts and out of place. Her work environment is changing, her sister is going through some tough times, and there is just something under the surface, lurking, and wondering if there is more to life than where she is at. It is strange. It hit me last night. I felt emotionally drained and unable to figure out the reason behind it.

...I just came back from lunch with my oldest friend in the world. We've known each other since we were in elementary school. Without saying anything to me, I think I figured out part of it. Girl Time. The busier I get, the harder it is for me to find girl time. I need that in my life. I need my friends. And I need my circle of friends to grow a little bit. Being with Rene is refreshing. It's easy. It doesn't take anything except showing up.

Who knows what all is going on? Not me. I guess we go through these times. I feel guilty being down because there's no real 'reason.' But just because life is good doesn't mean I have to stop feeling, does it?

When Bad Email Happens to Good People

Where do people come up with their email addresses? Part of my job is to input current contact information for the members of our congregation. Most email addresses are plain and simple--some variation of a name or the names of family members...but some...I just don't get it. I think there are two different thought processes that come into play when creating an email address. First, people want to be unique and creative. So they come up with something that is totally "them." My first email address was "mem_girl." A friend of mine used to call me memily and I'm a girl, so it made sense. There was this notion in my head that I didn't want to use my real name because...well, then people would know it's me!

That email stuck until I moved to college. College email doesn't give you a lot of choice. They tell you what your email will be and you do it. Along the way, I created a new personal account that is also a combination of my name. I guess when you become a grown up, you use your email on everything from credit card accounts to resumes and you want it to reflect a certain level of sophistication and professionalism.

So today I'm putting in the email addresses of a few new people and they were making me laugh...grown adults using emails like "poohlover4ever" as their primary email. Again, there is nothing WRONG with these things, it just makes me laugh and wonder-do they have a 'real' email address, as well?

I think children and young people today are coming up with 'catchy' emails that they think sound cool based on all sorts of different ideas about the world. It hurts me to see children attach 'sexual' numbers and references to their email addresses without seeming to really understand what they are implying about themselves. Or maybe they do realize what they're doing and are just unashamed of it. That brazen attitude can be good, but it can also be dangerous. There is a lack of innocence in this world, and I think even the littlest things like inappropriate emails can set the tone for a lot of pain and heartache.

Maybe I'm being silly. Maybe I'm being dramatic. But it's what I'm thinking about this cold and blustery Tuesday morning as I answer the phones.

Why Don't I Care?

Okay, I have something to admit. I have a hard time seeing what all the Christian 'fuss' is about Halloween. Maybe it's because I grew up with the holiday. Maybe it's because I think parents should take responsibility for teaching their children about good and evil and not blame it on the world. Maybe it's because I'm "blind" to what is really going on with the day. I don't know. I do know, however, that I have a hard time working up the motivation to get in a tizzy about something as silly as this holiday. Sure, it is a time for scary things to happen. Sure there are costumes that I wouldn't dress up in (or allow any children to dress up in--there's nothing attractive about a 'prostitot" as Tim calls them). But still, do I think there is anything WRONG with taking your children trick or treating? What's wrong with carving a funny face into a pumpkin and sticking a candle inside?

Maybe it's one of those areas where I just haven't 'grown' enough as a Christian. Maybe I'm too worldly - I don't know. I just know that no, I don't think we should glorify Satan or the work he is doing in this world. I don't think celebrating evil and worshiping demonic anything is right. But, I really do think that a holiday, any holiday, is what you make it. If you choose to teach your children that Halloween is a time to celebrate evil, then yes, I think that's wrong. But, if you teach your children about the power of imagination and make-believe and make sure God remains a part of everything you do, I can't see the harm in your child dressing up like a duck, a clown, or whatever. Steer away from the violent, the demeaning, and the vile.

I dressed up for Halloween every year as a child (and had some kick-butt costumes, to boot) and I am no worse for the experience.

I don't know. I guess I just feel that with all the big issues in the world, this is an awful small one for Christians to freak out about so much.

Random Observations from a Random World

Since I haven't been writing as much lately, I thought I would just run down some of the random things that have been taking place in and around my life lately. Each one will probalby get a blog entry all to itself in the near future, but here are some highlights.

1. Saturday night we had a Jars of Clay concert here at SOCC. They were joined by Sara Groves and Donald Miller. It was one of the better concerts I've been to in my life (not that I've really been to a lot, but still). Donald Miller is a hilarious speaker and writer. He is also moving and touching and interesting and real. I want to get read his newest work, Through Painted Deserts, and am already looking forward to his unpublished piece, To Own a Dragon. He may have jumped several rungs on the ladder of favorite authors in a very short amount of time. Sara Groves is a pure voice with a pure heart and I've enjoyed her for a long time. I think the fact that she's always been honest about her faith and her life is appealing. And Jars of Clay. What is there to say? I had forgotten how much I loved their music and their sound. I had forgotten how much they are able to move me. From their earliest hits to the latest on the Redemption Songs CD, it was amazing. They were humble, interesting, and captivating performers. it was a great night.

2. I bought a pair of cords yesterday for the first time since I was a little kid. I honestly don't think I've owned a pair of them since I was in middle school. I'm pretty sure they were out of vogue for awhile there in high school, but they are back. I really like them. They're comfortable. It's funny getting used to them again. I especially like the way they make noise when I walk. Anyway. New pants are always fun. (I think that may be the funniest statement I've written in awhile).

3. I woke up at 1:00 this morning to a really strange noise. It woke me up from a dream that I was bordering on being scary. I had that feeling that bad things were going to happen, and then there was this whirring noise. Turns out that my neighbor decided that he needed to mow his yard - at 1:00 in the morning. It was the strangest thing in the world. I sat in my bed and watched a man mowing his yard and singing at 1:00 in the morning. It was almost an out of body experience.

4. Yoplait now has chocolate yogurt. I love chocolate, so these work well for me. I am enjoying them greatly.

5. Have I mentioned yet how great my weekend was? There was nothing (other than the above mentioned concert) that was super-spectacular, but it was just great. I laughed hard and just felt wonderful. Loved, cherished, and enjoyed. Tim and I just had so much fun together this weekend. I am so happy and so in love and so blessed to have him in my life.

Most This Amazing Day

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

~ee cummings

I love ee cummings. I love the poetry, the fluidity, the invocation of so much in so little. Yesterday I led our staff devotion. I read part of Genesis and then the creation story from "The Magician's Nephew." It was all about the beauty that surrounds us and understanding the beauty of a world that is so alive. The fact of the matter is that God didn't have to make such a beautiful world for us. He could have decided to hide the colors of his palette and leave us in the "Pleasantville" world of grays, blacks, and whites. But He didn't. He chose to show us a world alive with color, alive with beauty and passion and all the things that He has to offer us. All we have to do is open our eyes to it and embrace it.

I'm ready for fall. I'm ready for the falling temperatures. I'm ready for the changing colors of leaves. I'm ready for crisp air and having to wear a sweatshirt.

Fall is my favorite time of year. I love it. I love the variety of colors and the beauty. I love how it makes me want to curl up close to the people I love, sipping something warm and reading a good book. I love how the world seems to come alive. I love how it looks different outside every day. I love the reds and oranges, the purples and browns of the leaves.

Living in southern Indiana, I get to see fall and all of the beauty that comes with it. I get to see the birds migrating overhead and feel the cool air blowing through open windows. The start of fall was actually a couple weeks ago, but I'm starting to really notice it this week. Walking through the IU campus on Sunday, I had leaves cracking and breaking under my feet. I loved it! Happy fall! That's why I hope when I get married someday that it's in the fall. My favorite season and my favorite month are happening around me. Despite feeling under the weather, I cannot help but be happy.

When will skinny be skinny enough?

Sometimes I'm easily annoyed by a lot of things. Today (well, this weekend) I found myself to be extremely annoyed at all the diet commercials. Some of them make me sad, but most of them just frustrate me. Especially the ones for the 'miracle' pills that will help you lose 10, 20, 200 pounds...but sometimes that is what works for people, I guess. The commercial that REALLY annoys me to the point of being angry is the one with the reality show chick - I think she was on the first Joe Millionaire maybe? Anyway, in the commercial she says something about how whatever magic pill she was taking took her from a size 10 to a size 4.

Good grief.

As if the image of women in this country isn't messed up enough, we have that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a size 10. A 10 is still a good size or two smaller than the average size in the US. A 10 is healthy. Yes, I just did some internet reading, and her name is Zora and she's the new spokeswoman for NutriSystem. Give me a break. Here is her "before" diet picture. I would love to look like that! It just pisses me off. No wonder women all of this country are battling eating disorders and everything else. When this is the reinforced message of our culture....it's amazing any of us can look at ourselves in the mirror. Honestly.

Pair that with the currently embraced and touted corpse-look for the famous and infamous and I fear for the emotional and physical well-being of every young woman in this country. Even my own.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I've always been scared of getting this disease, and then I found out my mother had it. Suddenly it was more than a possibility in my life, it was a reality. Since then I have read a lot, researched a lot, cried a lot, and decided that there has to be something I can do. I cannot do a lot, but I wear my pink bracelet and I wear the ribbon my mom gave me and I will support The Komen Foundation and everything they do to erradicate breast cancer. Current statistics say that one in eight women will get breast cancer throughout their life. Having a family history of the disease only increases that statistic slightly. Think about it. My guess is you know eight women. Have eight women friends. One of you will probably be faced with breast cancer in her lifetime. And yes, there is even a chance that the men in your life will get the disease. We can all do our part. If your workplace is part of the "Lee Denim Day" please support the Komen foundation by wearing jeans and paying the $5 on Friday (October 7). If your workplace does not participate, suggest they do next year. Do something. Make a difference. My mom is one of the lucky ones. She caught it early and she's doing well. Her cancer is in remission. Please do something.

You Can Go Home

This is my house from the sky. A friend of mine took the picture as he was flying over for his new business one day. i love my house. It's old and kind of scary sometimes, but it's beautiful. I would really love it if my house would be finished and the other 4 apartments inside rented out so that mom could quit her job. The house was built in the late 1800's and has been converted into 5 2-3 bedrom apartment-like things. When mom and I first moved in with my stepdad, there were lots of kids and family living there. Now it's just my family. it's strange, because it's a house inside a house. Our 'apartment' is the size of a normal house, complete with 3 bedrooms, a study, a huge kitchen, a huge living room, and 13 foot ceilings. It's definitely an adventure...

Anyway, I went home this weekend. I got to spend time with mom, laughing and hanging out with my favorite woman in the whole world. We went shopping and had a great time. I love my mom and really don't understand people who don't get along well with their parents. Anyway, mom told me she wants to go on a mission trip with me! That's a HUGE step, especially since she isn't a Christian. I can't wait to sign her up and head overseas together. It will be such an amazing trip.

The rest of the weekend was spent with the whole family; cameron and I had our pictures taken at Michael's Studio in Ft. Wayne and then we went to the Matea Medieval Faire...which was interesting. Not horrible, but once you've been to Medieval Times, it's just not the same. The rest of Saturday and Sunday was relaxing. It was nice to just be with the people I love so much. Going back to Bloomington was hard. I love my life here, too...I just wish it was all closer together!