"Are jeans the uniform for praise team now? It's not my favorite."
This is something someone wrote down on our bulletin tear off from church yesterday. No name. No service. Nothing but a ridiculous complaint. Stuff like this just frustrates me almost to no end. Honestly. It makes me want to stand up and scream out "It's not about YOU!" in the middle of the auditorium. You know what? I don't really care what the people on the platform wear, as long as it's not inappropriate. You know what else? GOD doesn't care about what the people on the platform wear, either. Nice jeans are just that - nice jeans. I wish people would spend a little less time worrying about the appearance and a little more time worrying about the heart. The person that wrote that note, most likely an old lady with a bug up her butt, spent the worship service worrying about what the people were wearing instead of spending that time growing closer to God. She's the one that missed out because she's not getting her perfect worship service. Funny how her attitude is exactly OPPOSITE of that which we should have. I wonder if she even understands the words when we sing this:
It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and Your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God and I surrender
To Your ways
8.29.2005
8.24.2005
Miss Me, But Let Me Go
My father died 9 years ago today. Sometimes that's hard for me to believe. Part of me really thinks it should be something I'm 'over' but a good friend (or three) pointed out yesterday that it's not something I'm ever going to truly be over. It's just as much a part of who I am as every other struggle and success I've had in my life. He was an amazing and strong man who I know would be so proud of the woman I've become.
I'll be honest. I miss my dad a lot. He was a lot of things to a lot of people, but to me he was just dad. Even though my parents got divorced when I was very young, he always made the effort to let me know just how much he loved me and just how amazing he thought I was. That's what is the hardest about today. Most of the time I can think about my dad, which I do a lot, and remember all the funny stories, the sound advice, and the love. But today...today I think about seeing him on that hospital bed, I see the yellowish tint to his skin and can hear the steady beat of the machines. I heard the ventilator rising and falling and watch his chest do the same. I remember the silent look between the nurses and my stepmom. I remember the machines silently being turned off. I remember holding his hand, tears pouring down my face. I remember holding his hand and watching the three breaths he tried to take on his own. I remember the steady sound of a heart no longer beating. And then there was silence. And then there was death. And then I had to start saying goodbye.
There was a poem on the inside of his funeral program that says this:
"When I come to the end of the road
and the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little - but not too long
and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me - but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take
and each must go alone.
It's all part of the master's plan
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
I'll be honest. I miss my dad a lot. He was a lot of things to a lot of people, but to me he was just dad. Even though my parents got divorced when I was very young, he always made the effort to let me know just how much he loved me and just how amazing he thought I was. That's what is the hardest about today. Most of the time I can think about my dad, which I do a lot, and remember all the funny stories, the sound advice, and the love. But today...today I think about seeing him on that hospital bed, I see the yellowish tint to his skin and can hear the steady beat of the machines. I heard the ventilator rising and falling and watch his chest do the same. I remember the silent look between the nurses and my stepmom. I remember the machines silently being turned off. I remember holding his hand, tears pouring down my face. I remember holding his hand and watching the three breaths he tried to take on his own. I remember the steady sound of a heart no longer beating. And then there was silence. And then there was death. And then I had to start saying goodbye.
There was a poem on the inside of his funeral program that says this:
"When I come to the end of the road
and the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little - but not too long
and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me - but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take
and each must go alone.
It's all part of the master's plan
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
Miss me - but let me go."
I have let go of some of the sadness, because I know it is what he would have wanted, but I will never completely be the same. I'll never really understand why I had to say goodbye, but I will cherish the brief time we had together always. I love you, daddy.
8.23.2005
The Beautiful Reader Award
This was one of the funniest things that ever happened in a class in college. Liz and I were in one of the core English classes for the major with this professor - Linton - who was a riot. She was this little Asian woman who just wasn't quite there all the time. Anyway, after I read the above mentioned sonnet, I earned the kind of praise you would normally bestow upon a 1st grader. Consequently Liz made me a wonderful award which I proudly carried around forever and a day. I think it's great. I found it again last night and it made me laugh really hard. Sometimes I miss college. I miss hanging out with Liz in English classes, that's for sure. We had some great ones together! Oh the stories!!
8.17.2005
Drawn to Water
"The voice of the sea is seductive; never ceasing, whispering, clamoring, murmuring, inviting the soul to wander for a spell in abysses of solitude; to lose itself in mazes of inward contemplations. The voice of the sea speaks to the soul. The touch of the sea is sensuous, enfolding the body in its soft, close embrace." -Kate Chopin, The Awakening
I love the water. I have always loved the water. My mother used to call me a fish. Maybe that's where my fascination with all things marine comes from...somewhere inside me is vivid memory of the constant beat of the waves against my feet as the tide rises and falls. Some of my favorite memories of family vacations, getaways with friends, and mission experiences revolve around water. Whether it's standing in the freezing waters of the Pacific Northwest while looking at the starfish that have washed ashore, playing in the crisp pure water of Mt. Rainier, walking through the warm Costa Rican seaside, or simply playing along the Atlantic seaboard, they are precious memories. I have a picture of Tim and I from last October. We are standing on the beach in Cape Cod and both looking out into the ocean. It's a candid photo and you can tell we're both freezing, but it is quickly becoming one of my favorites of the two of us.
Even here in Bloomington, I've shared meaningful conversations at Lake Monroe and spent a day under a tree reading and laughing at Lemon Lake. I've laughed at the 'mighty Jordan' as it trickles through campus and even gone so far as to play in the puddles left after a summer storm.
Water is part of the rhythm of my life. It is the pulse of God with which I connect the most. Looking out over the lakes, rivers, and oceans of my life, I see something bigger and more important than me. I see renewal and an abundant promise of life. One of my favorite verses in all of scripture is Ezekiel 47:9. "Where the river flows, everything will live."
May the voice of the sea, whether tangible or just in your memory, speak to you today.
I love the water. I have always loved the water. My mother used to call me a fish. Maybe that's where my fascination with all things marine comes from...somewhere inside me is vivid memory of the constant beat of the waves against my feet as the tide rises and falls. Some of my favorite memories of family vacations, getaways with friends, and mission experiences revolve around water. Whether it's standing in the freezing waters of the Pacific Northwest while looking at the starfish that have washed ashore, playing in the crisp pure water of Mt. Rainier, walking through the warm Costa Rican seaside, or simply playing along the Atlantic seaboard, they are precious memories. I have a picture of Tim and I from last October. We are standing on the beach in Cape Cod and both looking out into the ocean. It's a candid photo and you can tell we're both freezing, but it is quickly becoming one of my favorites of the two of us.
Even here in Bloomington, I've shared meaningful conversations at Lake Monroe and spent a day under a tree reading and laughing at Lemon Lake. I've laughed at the 'mighty Jordan' as it trickles through campus and even gone so far as to play in the puddles left after a summer storm.
Water is part of the rhythm of my life. It is the pulse of God with which I connect the most. Looking out over the lakes, rivers, and oceans of my life, I see something bigger and more important than me. I see renewal and an abundant promise of life. One of my favorite verses in all of scripture is Ezekiel 47:9. "Where the river flows, everything will live."
May the voice of the sea, whether tangible or just in your memory, speak to you today.
8.15.2005
A Whole New Life
Hey y'all,
I just wanted to let you know that I just received word that I got the position!!! Praise the Lord!!! We are so excited and terrified all at the same time. Thank you all soooooooo much for praying for us in all this. God has heard your prayers and we are eternally grateful. It's time to celebrate and praise the Lord for His goodness and faithfulness. Our next prayer is that all goes smoothly and timely for the work permit to go through.
Thanks again sooo much and may the Lord bless you all!
On behalf of my family,
Paul
My friends are starting a whole new adventure. I am amazed at the way God works and I am so excited to see where this new life in Ireland will lead. They are beautiful people called to impact a needy community with a big God. I am blessed to call them friends. I will miss them so much, but this is one of the most exciting moments of their lives and I feel honored to be a part of it.
I just wanted to let you know that I just received word that I got the position!!! Praise the Lord!!! We are so excited and terrified all at the same time. Thank you all soooooooo much for praying for us in all this. God has heard your prayers and we are eternally grateful. It's time to celebrate and praise the Lord for His goodness and faithfulness. Our next prayer is that all goes smoothly and timely for the work permit to go through.
Thanks again sooo much and may the Lord bless you all!
On behalf of my family,
Paul
My friends are starting a whole new adventure. I am amazed at the way God works and I am so excited to see where this new life in Ireland will lead. They are beautiful people called to impact a needy community with a big God. I am blessed to call them friends. I will miss them so much, but this is one of the most exciting moments of their lives and I feel honored to be a part of it.
8.10.2005
Right and Easy
"Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy." Snape, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
So I saw an online teaser for the new Harry Potter movie that will be coming out this winter. As the black screen fades, you hear a voice say the above quote. And honestly, it just stuck with me. How many times in life do we face that exact dilemma...How often is the 'right' thing the harder thing to do?? It seems like it's that way more times than not. It's like the whole "I'd love to, but that would really cut into my sitting around time" argument - sometimes it's laziness, sometimes it's apathy, and sometimes it's fear that keeps us from doing the right thing instead of the easy thing.
I have a feeling this is especially true when it comes to being a Christian and following what God leads us to do. Think of Jesus on the cross - the right thing to do was definitely the hardest thing to do-and the disciples took the easy way out and ran instead of standing up for Christ and standing in the gap with Him. And then I look at my life. There have been so many times when I've done the easy thing and not confronted people about their faith or not talked about my beliefs because it was easier to stay silent than to stand up for what is right. I hope that changes...strike that, I pray that changes in my life. Oh how I long to be the person who does the right thing, even when it's hard. I long to be the person that stands up for God when it's hard and stays steady in my faith when it would be easier to hide behind my own fears.
Don't get me wrong, the right v. easy argument is more than just a Christian ideal, but as I long to find more of my identity in Christ, it becomes what I see the most. My friend Liz has a friend that has been in the middle of that dilemma for awhile now--he had to choose between the right thing and the easy thing and he chose the right thing. I don't know him, I honestly don't know that I'd recognize him if he walked up to me and started a conversation, but my heart aches for what he is going through. If I knew him, I'd hug him tight and say nothing.
I admire people that do the right thing when it's hard - Liz, Jenny, Rene, Jason, Paul,...the list goes on and on.
So I saw an online teaser for the new Harry Potter movie that will be coming out this winter. As the black screen fades, you hear a voice say the above quote. And honestly, it just stuck with me. How many times in life do we face that exact dilemma...How often is the 'right' thing the harder thing to do?? It seems like it's that way more times than not. It's like the whole "I'd love to, but that would really cut into my sitting around time" argument - sometimes it's laziness, sometimes it's apathy, and sometimes it's fear that keeps us from doing the right thing instead of the easy thing.
I have a feeling this is especially true when it comes to being a Christian and following what God leads us to do. Think of Jesus on the cross - the right thing to do was definitely the hardest thing to do-and the disciples took the easy way out and ran instead of standing up for Christ and standing in the gap with Him. And then I look at my life. There have been so many times when I've done the easy thing and not confronted people about their faith or not talked about my beliefs because it was easier to stay silent than to stand up for what is right. I hope that changes...strike that, I pray that changes in my life. Oh how I long to be the person who does the right thing, even when it's hard. I long to be the person that stands up for God when it's hard and stays steady in my faith when it would be easier to hide behind my own fears.
Don't get me wrong, the right v. easy argument is more than just a Christian ideal, but as I long to find more of my identity in Christ, it becomes what I see the most. My friend Liz has a friend that has been in the middle of that dilemma for awhile now--he had to choose between the right thing and the easy thing and he chose the right thing. I don't know him, I honestly don't know that I'd recognize him if he walked up to me and started a conversation, but my heart aches for what he is going through. If I knew him, I'd hug him tight and say nothing.
I admire people that do the right thing when it's hard - Liz, Jenny, Rene, Jason, Paul,...the list goes on and on.
8.05.2005
A Place in Time
So long ago,
Another life
I could feel your heart beat
It's not a dream,
Remember us
I can see it in your eyes
We'll find a place in time
A place in time beyond the sun
We'll find a place in time
A place in time to call our home
The above lyrics are from the opening credits of the 4400. I will gladly admit that it was the science fiction buff in me that started watching the show, but it is the dramatist side of me that has made me continue to watch. I really enjoy the show, not for the acting, not for the back from alien abduction story line, but because there is so much human drama and human feeling involved in it. I can relate to those feelings of being disconnected and unsure and all of that. Liz just forwarded me a link to an article about having a mid-20's crisis. For some reason, like she and jenny, it made me feel a little better that more than one person goes through this period of feeling more unsure than they did when they were younger and even more unsure of what they're going to be doing in the future. It's a good article. You should read it.
Another life
I could feel your heart beat
It's not a dream,
Remember us
I can see it in your eyes
We'll find a place in time
A place in time beyond the sun
We'll find a place in time
A place in time to call our home
The above lyrics are from the opening credits of the 4400. I will gladly admit that it was the science fiction buff in me that started watching the show, but it is the dramatist side of me that has made me continue to watch. I really enjoy the show, not for the acting, not for the back from alien abduction story line, but because there is so much human drama and human feeling involved in it. I can relate to those feelings of being disconnected and unsure and all of that. Liz just forwarded me a link to an article about having a mid-20's crisis. For some reason, like she and jenny, it made me feel a little better that more than one person goes through this period of feeling more unsure than they did when they were younger and even more unsure of what they're going to be doing in the future. It's a good article. You should read it.
8.01.2005
So This Is Love...
Tim and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary on Sunday! it's amazing. he's amazing and I just cannot believe that he chose me and all that good stuff. Okay, I know that's a REALLY mushy sentence, but whatever - it's how I feel, dang it!! He's awesome. I managed to squelch most of the "do you think he'll propose" talk this time around before the date happened, so I didn't have to think about that at all. Funny, the answer to that question is yes, i think he'll propose...when the time is right. I love him. He loves me. We're happy together and we both see a future together. It's such a release and a relief to just be able to enjoy that without thinking about other things. My friend Jenny sent me an email Monday that was perfect in reminding me that God's timing is perfect and that He has it all planned out and figured out and, in some ways, we really are asked to live in the moment - it's that whole, "Do not worry about tomorrow" verse, you know.
Anyway, the anniversary was amazing. Dinner at Morton's in Indy (with a gift certificate, of course) and presents consisting of "fun and games" - comedy and games to play.
I love him more everyday.
Happy 2 years babe. Here's to a bazillion more !!
Anyway, the anniversary was amazing. Dinner at Morton's in Indy (with a gift certificate, of course) and presents consisting of "fun and games" - comedy and games to play.
I love him more everyday.
Happy 2 years babe. Here's to a bazillion more !!
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