I've been reading "Captivating" a lot lately. It's one of those books that I just pick up once or twice a week as I try processing it...and it usually makes me cry. The book centers around what John and Staci call "the Question." The Question of a woman's heart--"Do you see me? Am I captivating? Do I have a beauty all my own?"
Here's an excerpt for today:
"A woman becomes beautiful when she knows she's loved. We've seen this many times--you probably have, too. Cut off from love, rejected, no one pursuing her, something in a woman wilts like a flower no one waters anymore. She withers into resignation, duty, and shame. The radiance of her countenance goes out, as if a light has been turned off. But this same woman, who everyone thought was rather plain and unengaging, becomes lovely and inviting when she is pursued. Her heart begins to come alive, come to the surface, and her countenance becomes radiant. We wonder, 'Where has she been all these years? She's really captivating.'"
I think this sums up so much of not only my life, but how I feel about myself. I always thought of myself as the mousey, quiet, unspecial person in the corner. But, when I met Tim, when he pursued me, something inside me came alive. I used to joke all the time that I was glowing because of him--but upon reading this, I know it was simply true. He was awakening a long-dormant and dark part of my heart and life. And he continues to awaken it every day.
The other part of my reading last night that succeeded in moving me to tears was about a woman who spent so much of her life trying to figure out and fix whatever was 'wrong' with her. During the course of a conversation, she realized that all her striving to perfection may have been what was hiding her beauty. And then is says this:
"Let's just start with a thought. What if the message delivered in your wounds simply isn't true about you? Let that sink in. It wasn't true. What does that free you to do? Weep? Rejoice? Let go? Come out? Take your heart back?"
It's not true. The lies the enemy tells me; the hurts that are so deeply ingrained in my soul; the insecurities that leave me hiding behind the extra weight and the cautious heart--none of it is true! Amen, Hallelujah! Rejoice!
4.29.2005
4.28.2005
States I Have Visited
Tim and I have talked about this a lot, so here's my list of states that I have visited. He is a few up on me...I've got some work to do! According to the map generator, I have visted 28 states (54%). Hopefully we'll visit some of the ones we're both missing together...like Hawaii!
create your own personalized map of the USA
create your own personalized map of the USA
This is the Time
Well, another Birthday has come and gone. I'm now a year older...wow, hard to believe. Yesterday was a good day. I laughed a lot and felt a lot of love. It made me, if only for a day, feel even that much closer to God. That is what he desires for all of us; to feel that love and appreciation and peace and joy. And, it's funny, because it also seems like those are the days in which Satan works the hardest to make us feel that loss and separation we have from God. It happens in the quiet moments on my birthday. In between the cards and the laughter and the genuine love, I feel the pang of lost wonder and my heart hears the silent, yet decidedly deadly thought that nothing is going to work out like I imagine and I'm going to be unhappy.
Thankfully, I have a good God that is a BA-Zillion times bigger than those thoughts, and He quickly scoots them aside and replaces them with more laughter and joy!!
Yesterday was a great day. I spent time with people I love dearly that love me dearly. I went to a movie, opened wonderful presents, and had great food. I came close to falling asleep in the arms of my love, and I can't honestly remember the last time I felt so much love from one group of people.
On my way to work this morning I was listening to "The Bridge" by Billy Joel. It's a great CD, one of my favorites from him, and contains one of my favorite songs, "This is the Time." Here's part of the chorus:
This is the time to remember
'Cause it will not last forever
These are the days to hold on to
'Cause we won't, although we'll want to
It just speaks volumes to my heart. This is the time to remember--because soon this phase of life and this moment of my existence will be nothing more than a memory to look back upon with longing and fondness. Young and full of possibility, there is nothing holding me back right now at this moment in my life.
I get caught up in looking toward the future so often that I forget to enjoy the present. I let the questions--the when, where, how, why, who--of my future get the best of me and find myself not truly appreciating my life now and what is going on and just how lucky and how blessed I am. I need to focus more on this moment and stop worrying so much about this afternoon, this weekend, next month, and next year.
Thankfully, I have a good God that is a BA-Zillion times bigger than those thoughts, and He quickly scoots them aside and replaces them with more laughter and joy!!
Yesterday was a great day. I spent time with people I love dearly that love me dearly. I went to a movie, opened wonderful presents, and had great food. I came close to falling asleep in the arms of my love, and I can't honestly remember the last time I felt so much love from one group of people.
On my way to work this morning I was listening to "The Bridge" by Billy Joel. It's a great CD, one of my favorites from him, and contains one of my favorite songs, "This is the Time." Here's part of the chorus:
This is the time to remember
'Cause it will not last forever
These are the days to hold on to
'Cause we won't, although we'll want to
It just speaks volumes to my heart. This is the time to remember--because soon this phase of life and this moment of my existence will be nothing more than a memory to look back upon with longing and fondness. Young and full of possibility, there is nothing holding me back right now at this moment in my life.
I get caught up in looking toward the future so often that I forget to enjoy the present. I let the questions--the when, where, how, why, who--of my future get the best of me and find myself not truly appreciating my life now and what is going on and just how lucky and how blessed I am. I need to focus more on this moment and stop worrying so much about this afternoon, this weekend, next month, and next year.
4.27.2005
Things I've Learned This Year
Today I turn 26. Actually, I turned 26 at some inhuman hour this morning! There is always something about birthdays that makes me think more about my life; what I've learned and experienced up to this point in my life and what I am still waiting to learn and experience. Here are 26 of the things I have observed, felt, and experienced this last year (in no particular order, of course...order requires logic and a certain coherence of thought; neither of which I have this morning).
1. I'm slowly turning into my mother. For most women, this is a bad thing. I just couldn't be happier. I have always said that if I turn out to be half the woman she is, I will consider my life a success. I'm slowly getting there. Even though I know my mother is mortal like the rest of us, she never fails to appear super-human to the naked eye. She is just amazing.
2. Speaking of my mother, I laugh the hardest when I'm near her. We laugh until our sides hurt about completely ridiculous things. I wish everyone had that kind of relationship with a parent. Everyone needs that unconditional love a support.
3. Some insecurities are deep-seeded and may never completely go away. No matter how loved and cherished I am, there are still some things that will probably take a miracle, act of God, and lifetime to overcome. The patience those that love me have with my insecurities only makes me love them more.
4. As I get older, my circle of friends changes. Some people disappear so quietly and so completely that I almost forget they were ever really there. Other friendships grow so intimate and unique that it is hard to go a day without at least saying hello.
5. Dreams require work. I guess I always knew that, but as I think about my life goals--to be a writer, to act more, to own my own business--I am realizing that they require a dedication that surpasses what we think we are capable of.
6. I will battle my weight all my life. I was talking to a friend Sunday about what Weight Watchers said was our 'ideal' weights. He made me feel so much better by saying that he thought what they thought I needed to weigh was insane. Not that I don't need to lose weight; but I am going to try more and more this year to refuse to be defined by my poor body-image. I will do what I can to lose weight, but no more daily scale checks!
7. There is no substitute for a good book--except a good conversation.
8. Maybe laughter really is the best medicine. I love to laugh, and I always feel better after I do so. I have laughed more in the last year than I think I ever have in my life. Through hard times and happy times, I have laughed until I couldn't breathe.
9. Horizontal stripes are not flattering when you are 'well-blessed.' Okay, I've known this since I started wearing a bra, but honestly! I was at Kohl's last night and all the clothes are these tacky stripes that seem to run above and below my chest, seeming to scream out...LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT ME!! No thanks.
10. One good snow is plenty for an entire winter.
11. I still get lost in his gaze; still find myself feeling completely at home in his arms; still feel like this may be the greatest gift God has ever given me.
12. Patience is a virtue God tries to teach me every day. One of these days I'll slow down and listen!
13. Some words make me laugh simply because of the person who says them. Case in point. Rene and LLAMAS!
14. It was a good year for movies. I was touched by "Finding Neverland," "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," and "Garden State." I enjoyed the fun and fantasy of "National Treasure," "Mean Girls," and "The Incredibles." I laughed a lot and cried a lot through a lot of movies.
15. My fish make me smile every single day. There are now four of them: Billy, Creamsicle, Gorbie, and Gandalf. They are hilarious, hungry, and the perfect pet!
16. Taking my first vacation without my family was both strange and liberating. I miss family vacations, but had a great time at the Cape and in New York.
17. Cameron is growing up. He turned 14 today. He's taller than me, and funnier than ever. I still think he's one of the coolest kids I know, even if he is obsessed with "Napoleon Dynamite."
18. I am not any closer to Holly, Joey, or Zeke than I was a year ago. That makes me sad. They're family and I love them.
19. I always miss my dad on my birthday.
20. God is always as present in my life as I let him be. This year, I'm going to work on making Him a little more present and myself a little less.
21. I am completely convinced that the best things in my life are yet to come.
22. Sometimes I just need to cry. I'm a girl. I'm allowed. It's in the rule book somewhere, I'm sure.
23. The Care Bears are still the coolest thing ever. I relive my childhood every day with them!
24. Maybe everything I need to know I really did learn in kindergarten!
25. New music is always a good idea. You never know what will speak to you and touch you and make you want to get up and dance.
26. Life is all about living. The days and years fly by and there is too much beauty, too much experience, and too much...everything...to waste even a single moment.
1. I'm slowly turning into my mother. For most women, this is a bad thing. I just couldn't be happier. I have always said that if I turn out to be half the woman she is, I will consider my life a success. I'm slowly getting there. Even though I know my mother is mortal like the rest of us, she never fails to appear super-human to the naked eye. She is just amazing.
2. Speaking of my mother, I laugh the hardest when I'm near her. We laugh until our sides hurt about completely ridiculous things. I wish everyone had that kind of relationship with a parent. Everyone needs that unconditional love a support.
3. Some insecurities are deep-seeded and may never completely go away. No matter how loved and cherished I am, there are still some things that will probably take a miracle, act of God, and lifetime to overcome. The patience those that love me have with my insecurities only makes me love them more.
4. As I get older, my circle of friends changes. Some people disappear so quietly and so completely that I almost forget they were ever really there. Other friendships grow so intimate and unique that it is hard to go a day without at least saying hello.
5. Dreams require work. I guess I always knew that, but as I think about my life goals--to be a writer, to act more, to own my own business--I am realizing that they require a dedication that surpasses what we think we are capable of.
6. I will battle my weight all my life. I was talking to a friend Sunday about what Weight Watchers said was our 'ideal' weights. He made me feel so much better by saying that he thought what they thought I needed to weigh was insane. Not that I don't need to lose weight; but I am going to try more and more this year to refuse to be defined by my poor body-image. I will do what I can to lose weight, but no more daily scale checks!
7. There is no substitute for a good book--except a good conversation.
8. Maybe laughter really is the best medicine. I love to laugh, and I always feel better after I do so. I have laughed more in the last year than I think I ever have in my life. Through hard times and happy times, I have laughed until I couldn't breathe.
9. Horizontal stripes are not flattering when you are 'well-blessed.' Okay, I've known this since I started wearing a bra, but honestly! I was at Kohl's last night and all the clothes are these tacky stripes that seem to run above and below my chest, seeming to scream out...LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT ME!! No thanks.
10. One good snow is plenty for an entire winter.
11. I still get lost in his gaze; still find myself feeling completely at home in his arms; still feel like this may be the greatest gift God has ever given me.
12. Patience is a virtue God tries to teach me every day. One of these days I'll slow down and listen!
13. Some words make me laugh simply because of the person who says them. Case in point. Rene and LLAMAS!
14. It was a good year for movies. I was touched by "Finding Neverland," "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," and "Garden State." I enjoyed the fun and fantasy of "National Treasure," "Mean Girls," and "The Incredibles." I laughed a lot and cried a lot through a lot of movies.
15. My fish make me smile every single day. There are now four of them: Billy, Creamsicle, Gorbie, and Gandalf. They are hilarious, hungry, and the perfect pet!
16. Taking my first vacation without my family was both strange and liberating. I miss family vacations, but had a great time at the Cape and in New York.
17. Cameron is growing up. He turned 14 today. He's taller than me, and funnier than ever. I still think he's one of the coolest kids I know, even if he is obsessed with "Napoleon Dynamite."
18. I am not any closer to Holly, Joey, or Zeke than I was a year ago. That makes me sad. They're family and I love them.
19. I always miss my dad on my birthday.
20. God is always as present in my life as I let him be. This year, I'm going to work on making Him a little more present and myself a little less.
21. I am completely convinced that the best things in my life are yet to come.
22. Sometimes I just need to cry. I'm a girl. I'm allowed. It's in the rule book somewhere, I'm sure.
23. The Care Bears are still the coolest thing ever. I relive my childhood every day with them!
24. Maybe everything I need to know I really did learn in kindergarten!
25. New music is always a good idea. You never know what will speak to you and touch you and make you want to get up and dance.
26. Life is all about living. The days and years fly by and there is too much beauty, too much experience, and too much...everything...to waste even a single moment.
4.19.2005
Leaving...and being left...
I'm leaving in a few minutes to go to Asheville for the annual ACS Technologies conference. I'm excited, and actually have reason to go, but at the same time...I'm going through one of those just enjoying being home phases. I'm also feeling slightly domestic this week. What I really want to do is buy some flowers and plant them in my backyard/weed patch. And a hummingbird feeder...that would make me happy.
Spring is here in Southern Indiana. That also makes me happy. Sleeping with my windows open (one of the benefits of a 2-story townhouse) and waking up to the sun instead of the pitch-black of a mid-winter morning is exciting. However, this morning I really wanted to find a "BB Gun" and get the annoying crow-like bird that was outside my window and making all sorts of noise.
I didn't sleep well last night because I'm leaving today. I never sleep well the night before I go on a trip or something big happens. Lord help me when I get married--there will probably be some sort of sleeping agent involved! That's okay, though. I have 8+ hours in a car today, so sleep I will get.
Tim is in Las Vegas at the NAB convention. I'm sure he's having a blast. It's strange not even talking to him yesterday. We usually try to at least say goodnight, but i'm sure the time difference played into him not calling. I did call and leave a message, and I know he's thinking about me and missing me. A week in vegas with korry and Jason could do him some good.
Not a lot else going on in my world. I may have internet access this week, so if I do, I will post some additions. Just felt like I should say something before disappearing for a week.
Spring is here in Southern Indiana. That also makes me happy. Sleeping with my windows open (one of the benefits of a 2-story townhouse) and waking up to the sun instead of the pitch-black of a mid-winter morning is exciting. However, this morning I really wanted to find a "BB Gun" and get the annoying crow-like bird that was outside my window and making all sorts of noise.
I didn't sleep well last night because I'm leaving today. I never sleep well the night before I go on a trip or something big happens. Lord help me when I get married--there will probably be some sort of sleeping agent involved! That's okay, though. I have 8+ hours in a car today, so sleep I will get.
Tim is in Las Vegas at the NAB convention. I'm sure he's having a blast. It's strange not even talking to him yesterday. We usually try to at least say goodnight, but i'm sure the time difference played into him not calling. I did call and leave a message, and I know he's thinking about me and missing me. A week in vegas with korry and Jason could do him some good.
Not a lot else going on in my world. I may have internet access this week, so if I do, I will post some additions. Just felt like I should say something before disappearing for a week.
4.13.2005
Freelance Writing Is Hard Work
If anyone ever thought that freelance writing was an easy way to make a buck, they've obviously never tried. Though I have managed to make a small amount of money and establish a few contacts, it is still a lot harder to do than one would think.
Once established, I'm sure it's easy to be overwhelmed with the amount of work you have to do; however that is not the case when you're just getting started. Convincing potential clients that you have what it takes to be a successful and capable freelance writer is hard.I've discoverd writing keyword articles to be one of the more successful avenues for learning the trade. Everyone has a web site, and everyone wants to make sure their web site gets the most hits and generates substantial traffic.
Mastering the art of the keyword phrase is a process that is taking time, but I am getting better. Lately I have felt that I need to invest in a web page if I am going to be a successful writer. Thoughts? I think that's something I need to spend a little more time researching and pondering and seeing if I can fit that into my budget. Some places will host for as little as $10 a month, which I should be able to swing. Hmmm...something to think about, I guess. Until I decide on whether or not I should spend money on a website, I am working on Choicest Relic Writing. Thoughts?
Once established, I'm sure it's easy to be overwhelmed with the amount of work you have to do; however that is not the case when you're just getting started. Convincing potential clients that you have what it takes to be a successful and capable freelance writer is hard.I've discoverd writing keyword articles to be one of the more successful avenues for learning the trade. Everyone has a web site, and everyone wants to make sure their web site gets the most hits and generates substantial traffic.
Mastering the art of the keyword phrase is a process that is taking time, but I am getting better. Lately I have felt that I need to invest in a web page if I am going to be a successful writer. Thoughts? I think that's something I need to spend a little more time researching and pondering and seeing if I can fit that into my budget. Some places will host for as little as $10 a month, which I should be able to swing. Hmmm...something to think about, I guess. Until I decide on whether or not I should spend money on a website, I am working on Choicest Relic Writing. Thoughts?
4.08.2005
Your EPIC Life
The church has been consumed this week by EPIC. It's funny how something can start small, consuming only one or two people, and then fast consume everyone around them. We knew this event would be big. We wanted it to be big. We wanted people to come, just as we want all people to know the story of the EPIC. But this week, it's been crazy. There are commercials on the television, commercials on the radio, announcements in the bulletin, ticket sales through the internet. And somewhere, in the middle of so much, God is planning to do something huge in Bloomington. I know it doesn't matter how cool the lights are, how perfect the video is, or how on the music sounds, but all of those things lead to a combined experience that transcends the Worship Center at Sherwood Oaks and speaks to a higher Story.
The thing that has appealed to me about this program from the beginning was the simple premise that we are all part of a story. We all have a role to play, and we all have a reason to play it well. There IS evil at work in the world, and there is a dark side to the story, but there is still so much beauty, so much love, and so much hope. We don't like to think about the dark side of the story; we don't want to spend too much time thinking about the unseen. No matter how hard we try and not think about it, that doesn't really change anything. The battle is still real. The battle is still being fought on a very real level for every single person and every single heart on the planet. I remember when I read This Present Darkness. The book scared me, but it also drew me in.
There is one scene, where the angels and the demons are surrounding the inside and outside of a church that is so vivid in my mind. If I really stop to think about it, I can see the darkness around me. You see it in the broken relationships and the hurt souls of people you love. You see it in the girls trying to find their place in the world and struggling with so much self-image and fear. You see it in the boys that are doing their best to live up to the world and the unrealistic standards they try to meet. You see it in war, in death, and in the struggle for survival. I don't know why we trivialize the real fight; maybe we do it because to actually think about it is too scary. It's too real, and we don't want that reality to be manifest in our lives.
And then, through the darkness, there is a song calling; a Voice that speaks in whispers on the wind that we are loved, we are worth the fight. We are worth everything. This week, as I've been thinking about EPIC and praying for EPIC and living my part of the EPIC, I have found that to be so true. That I am loved. That I am cherished. That I am worth everything--I have known that for awhile, and believed it to be true, but there is something about putting yourself 'in' God's shoes for a moment and hear him saying You are worth everything. That is the true story of the EPIC--that you are worth everything, because you are worth everything, no price is too big to play. Can't you hear God just saying this to you:
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
This is just one of the pieces of one of the songs that will be sung tonight. God is right there, walking with you, crying with you, fighting for you, and loving on you. Because he is right there, and because He knows you so well, He trusts you with a role in His EPIC that can only be filled by you. You are the only person on the planet who can do what God has called you to do; you are the only person who can live the life God has called you to live. Without you, His Story is incomplete.
And yet, somehow, we still find ourselves listening to the world and believing that we are expendable and that our lives are not important. Fighting that one thought and that one belief is the goal of EPIC. To help people understand just how big the story is and how important they are.
I am excited to see what happens when the 2500 people who have tickets already come into this place. Some are from the church; some are not. Some know God; some do not. Hearts will be opened and lives will be changed.
The thing that has appealed to me about this program from the beginning was the simple premise that we are all part of a story. We all have a role to play, and we all have a reason to play it well. There IS evil at work in the world, and there is a dark side to the story, but there is still so much beauty, so much love, and so much hope. We don't like to think about the dark side of the story; we don't want to spend too much time thinking about the unseen. No matter how hard we try and not think about it, that doesn't really change anything. The battle is still real. The battle is still being fought on a very real level for every single person and every single heart on the planet. I remember when I read This Present Darkness. The book scared me, but it also drew me in.
There is one scene, where the angels and the demons are surrounding the inside and outside of a church that is so vivid in my mind. If I really stop to think about it, I can see the darkness around me. You see it in the broken relationships and the hurt souls of people you love. You see it in the girls trying to find their place in the world and struggling with so much self-image and fear. You see it in the boys that are doing their best to live up to the world and the unrealistic standards they try to meet. You see it in war, in death, and in the struggle for survival. I don't know why we trivialize the real fight; maybe we do it because to actually think about it is too scary. It's too real, and we don't want that reality to be manifest in our lives.
And then, through the darkness, there is a song calling; a Voice that speaks in whispers on the wind that we are loved, we are worth the fight. We are worth everything. This week, as I've been thinking about EPIC and praying for EPIC and living my part of the EPIC, I have found that to be so true. That I am loved. That I am cherished. That I am worth everything--I have known that for awhile, and believed it to be true, but there is something about putting yourself 'in' God's shoes for a moment and hear him saying You are worth everything. That is the true story of the EPIC--that you are worth everything, because you are worth everything, no price is too big to play. Can't you hear God just saying this to you:
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
This is just one of the pieces of one of the songs that will be sung tonight. God is right there, walking with you, crying with you, fighting for you, and loving on you. Because he is right there, and because He knows you so well, He trusts you with a role in His EPIC that can only be filled by you. You are the only person on the planet who can do what God has called you to do; you are the only person who can live the life God has called you to live. Without you, His Story is incomplete.
And yet, somehow, we still find ourselves listening to the world and believing that we are expendable and that our lives are not important. Fighting that one thought and that one belief is the goal of EPIC. To help people understand just how big the story is and how important they are.
I am excited to see what happens when the 2500 people who have tickets already come into this place. Some are from the church; some are not. Some know God; some do not. Hearts will be opened and lives will be changed.
It's Tax Time
I can tell this is the last weekend before Income Taxes are due. Most of my day today has been taken up by phone calls--people who need to know what they gave last year and cannot find their tax statement. I've never been one of those wait until April people, so I don't really understand why everyone is calling, but whatever. Most of them are pleasant to talk to and remind me that I am here to serve, so it works!!
4.01.2005
Ugh.
I hate being sick. I HATE BEING SICK. What started out late Monday night as a sore throat has progressed to a full-fledged cold, complete with coughing, sneezing, watery eyes, and general exhaustion. The coughing really started last night, and I can tell this morning. I think I managed to sleep for all of three hours sometime last night. Have you ever gotten to the point where you're so tired but you can't sleep, so you start crying for no real reason? Yeah, that was me last night. I am not one of those people that handles being sick well. In fact, I handle it rather poorly. I whine and get needy and find myself in a poor mood. It's not that I try to be that way, it just happens. I would like to be one of those people that doesn't seem to be changed by anything, but painful coughing and sneezing and listlessness just puts me in a strange mood. I've been downing Halls like they are candy for the last 24 hours, and they still aren't really doing any good. Ah well...enough complaining about that for now.
Other things in my life this week (in no particular order, of course):
It's the week after Easter. For me, this week is tons busier than the week before Easter. Add to the usual larger offering and more attendance slips the fact that it's the end of the month AND the end of the first quarter of the year, and here I am, up to my eyeballs in random stuff to do. At least I've been busy this week. That's a good thing. I like to be busy, just not crazy I can't think straight busy.
I've found myself falling more in love with Tim every day the last couple weeks. He is just such an amazing, Godly, strong, passionate man. I wish everyone who reads this could meet him, just so they would know more of what I was talking about. When I prayed that God would bring me someone, I had no idea that someone as amazing as Tim existed. I am one lucky girl, that's for sure!!!! I know that God has something amazing planned for our lives and our future, and I can't wait to see what happens. At the same time, I am filled with such joy and peace and loving every little moment we share together.
Our computers have been plagued by network problems this week. In fact, Easter was insane; the network crashed right before our 1st service, and it was only through a lot of work and struggles and frustration that we had ANY song lyrics or anything for the 11:00 service. Kudos to the guys that helped make it work again. I know they were frustrated, but God was still glorified during all the services. I've been trying to write a blog about my thoughts about people that only come to church two times a year, but haven't been able to find the time. Look for that one in the near future.
I went to the CSF house last night to talk about EPIC. It was good, yet strange, to be there again. One of the things I always appreciated about CSF was Paul and his ability to find the newest and the best in modern worship. I was only there for two songs, but neither was familiar and both were amazing. I miss Paul leading worship; I miss his passion and his heart and his genuine love for God and for other people. I miss the community I had there at the CSF houses (which are now campus crusade houses). I miss knowing there were a couple dozen people that I could trust with every part of me, and they felt the same about me. Sometimes I even miss the drama of my Senior year. I know that community like CSF is a unique experience that not everyone will have and not everyone will keep forever. I also know I can find it again; it's just a lot harder when it's not built-in like it was in college. And hard because I work and worship at a church with 2500 other people on a regular basis.
So that's a little about this week. Hope some of it makes sense through my medicine-induced stupor! I promise to write a more coherent blog entry in the near future!
Other things in my life this week (in no particular order, of course):
It's the week after Easter. For me, this week is tons busier than the week before Easter. Add to the usual larger offering and more attendance slips the fact that it's the end of the month AND the end of the first quarter of the year, and here I am, up to my eyeballs in random stuff to do. At least I've been busy this week. That's a good thing. I like to be busy, just not crazy I can't think straight busy.
I've found myself falling more in love with Tim every day the last couple weeks. He is just such an amazing, Godly, strong, passionate man. I wish everyone who reads this could meet him, just so they would know more of what I was talking about. When I prayed that God would bring me someone, I had no idea that someone as amazing as Tim existed. I am one lucky girl, that's for sure!!!! I know that God has something amazing planned for our lives and our future, and I can't wait to see what happens. At the same time, I am filled with such joy and peace and loving every little moment we share together.
Our computers have been plagued by network problems this week. In fact, Easter was insane; the network crashed right before our 1st service, and it was only through a lot of work and struggles and frustration that we had ANY song lyrics or anything for the 11:00 service. Kudos to the guys that helped make it work again. I know they were frustrated, but God was still glorified during all the services. I've been trying to write a blog about my thoughts about people that only come to church two times a year, but haven't been able to find the time. Look for that one in the near future.
I went to the CSF house last night to talk about EPIC. It was good, yet strange, to be there again. One of the things I always appreciated about CSF was Paul and his ability to find the newest and the best in modern worship. I was only there for two songs, but neither was familiar and both were amazing. I miss Paul leading worship; I miss his passion and his heart and his genuine love for God and for other people. I miss the community I had there at the CSF houses (which are now campus crusade houses). I miss knowing there were a couple dozen people that I could trust with every part of me, and they felt the same about me. Sometimes I even miss the drama of my Senior year. I know that community like CSF is a unique experience that not everyone will have and not everyone will keep forever. I also know I can find it again; it's just a lot harder when it's not built-in like it was in college. And hard because I work and worship at a church with 2500 other people on a regular basis.
So that's a little about this week. Hope some of it makes sense through my medicine-induced stupor! I promise to write a more coherent blog entry in the near future!
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