Do you ever feel like there is something missing, even though your life is great? That is what I've been feeling lately. Don't get me wrong--I love my life. I have a good job, a great family, and great friends. I am madly in love with a wonderful man who just happens to love me right back. Sure, there are the little annoyances of life...most recently it is car problems, but there is nothing WRONG at all. Yet, I just feel like there is something missing.
I want excitement.
I want something new.
I want a challenge.
I want to be inspired.
So many times, there is something right below the surface that does inspire, motivate, and recreate. I am just not sure what that is right now. I can feel a bit of stirring in my stomach--a bit of that 'prepare for something' feeling--but I have no idea what that could be. (Usually when I get like this, I just start to clean and rearrange things and I'm content for awhile...so maybe I will work on that tonight...)
...I am sure that some of it is the winter BLLLLAAAAAHHHHHHSSS. Please sunshine, come soon!
1.26.2005
1.21.2005
An Update
I would like to thank everyone who has been keeping my mom in their prayers these last several weeks. She has been to numerous doctors and specialists, and, after a few moments of uncertainty, they have decided that she will not have to go through Chemo. That is a huge relief and very exciting for all of us as the whole word "chemo" scares us a little more than it probably should.
She is doing well and trying to keep her spirits high. She is tired of being poked and prodded, but knows that it is all needed. Last night she told me that sometimes she just wants to pull the covers over her head, block out the world, and stay in bed. Her doctor told her that was okay and that she would probably have days like that. His advise? She should pull the covers up over her head and stay in bed.
The radiation will start soon. She is going to be on a drug two times a day for five years, but they think they got all the cancer (thank God...literally).
Through this all she has proven time and again how strong of a woman she is. She's amazing and she's beautiful. I love her. You would love her to, I guarantee it!
She is doing well and trying to keep her spirits high. She is tired of being poked and prodded, but knows that it is all needed. Last night she told me that sometimes she just wants to pull the covers over her head, block out the world, and stay in bed. Her doctor told her that was okay and that she would probably have days like that. His advise? She should pull the covers up over her head and stay in bed.
The radiation will start soon. She is going to be on a drug two times a day for five years, but they think they got all the cancer (thank God...literally).
Through this all she has proven time and again how strong of a woman she is. She's amazing and she's beautiful. I love her. You would love her to, I guarantee it!
1.15.2005
Insights into me
This is from Meagan. I figured what the heck, I haven't posted a random list about my life in awhile :)
TEN random things about me/my life:
1. I have recently rediscovered the joy of "Sugar Babies."
2. Pizza is still one of my favorite foods
3. I love mint icecream
4. I'm at work on a Saturday
5. Sometimes my neighbors give me the creeps
6. I have a cold, I think
7. I managed to go to Wal-Mart today and only purchase the one thing I went there for
8. I am ready to see the ocean and the warm sunshine again
9. I love my fish!
10. I wear the same jewelry every single day
NINE Things I enjoy doing (in no particular order):
1. writing
2. reading
3. hanging out with my friends
4. just being with Tim..anywhere, anything
5. playing games
6. talking to liz
7. making scrapbooks
8. listening to music
9. watching movies
EIGHT Things I want to do before I die (in no particular order):
1. get married
2. see Italy
3. Get paid to act
4. lose weight
5. write that book
6. get that book published :)
7. re-connect with my sister and brothers in Michigan
8. open a pajama shop
SEVEN Ways to win my heart (in no particular order):
1. give me big hugs
2. make me feel special
3. give me random cards for no reason
4. say "I love you" when i'm at my worst
5. let me cry for no reason
6. be real
7. be patient
SIX Things I believe in (in no particular order):
1. God
2. that worry accomplishes nothing
3. that my mom will be cancer-free
4. that my friends know the 'real' me
5. that life is too short to not live every day
6. that I would be nowhere without my family
FIVE Things I'm afraid of:
1. ferris wheels
2. bats
3. going blind
4. those I love dying too soon
5. failing because i never tried
FOUR of my Favorite Items in my house (in no particular order):
1. MY FISH!
2. my bed...warm, wonderful, bed...
3. charlie the plant
4. the washer and dryer
THREE Things I do everyday:
1. laugh
2. watch TV
3. read other people's blogs
TWO Things I am trying to do right now:
1. download pics from my camera for the newsletter
2. pay a couple on-line bills
ONE Person I want to see right now:
1. tim
TEN random things about me/my life:
1. I have recently rediscovered the joy of "Sugar Babies."
2. Pizza is still one of my favorite foods
3. I love mint icecream
4. I'm at work on a Saturday
5. Sometimes my neighbors give me the creeps
6. I have a cold, I think
7. I managed to go to Wal-Mart today and only purchase the one thing I went there for
8. I am ready to see the ocean and the warm sunshine again
9. I love my fish!
10. I wear the same jewelry every single day
NINE Things I enjoy doing (in no particular order):
1. writing
2. reading
3. hanging out with my friends
4. just being with Tim..anywhere, anything
5. playing games
6. talking to liz
7. making scrapbooks
8. listening to music
9. watching movies
EIGHT Things I want to do before I die (in no particular order):
1. get married
2. see Italy
3. Get paid to act
4. lose weight
5. write that book
6. get that book published :)
7. re-connect with my sister and brothers in Michigan
8. open a pajama shop
SEVEN Ways to win my heart (in no particular order):
1. give me big hugs
2. make me feel special
3. give me random cards for no reason
4. say "I love you" when i'm at my worst
5. let me cry for no reason
6. be real
7. be patient
SIX Things I believe in (in no particular order):
1. God
2. that worry accomplishes nothing
3. that my mom will be cancer-free
4. that my friends know the 'real' me
5. that life is too short to not live every day
6. that I would be nowhere without my family
FIVE Things I'm afraid of:
1. ferris wheels
2. bats
3. going blind
4. those I love dying too soon
5. failing because i never tried
FOUR of my Favorite Items in my house (in no particular order):
1. MY FISH!
2. my bed...warm, wonderful, bed...
3. charlie the plant
4. the washer and dryer
THREE Things I do everyday:
1. laugh
2. watch TV
3. read other people's blogs
TWO Things I am trying to do right now:
1. download pics from my camera for the newsletter
2. pay a couple on-line bills
ONE Person I want to see right now:
1. tim
1.06.2005
1.04.2005
"Don't Freak Out"
I don’t think ever, in the entire history of time, a phone conversation that begins with the words “Don’t freak out” has kept anyone from doing just that. I should know. It recently happened to me.
It’s New Years Eve and I am sitting on my couch, ½ napping and ½ watching TV. I’ve just made a yummy cup of hot chocolate, but it’s still a little too warm to drink. Suddenly, the midi sounds of Billy Joel’s “Big Shot” begin pulsing from my phone. It’s my mom, and I’m always excited to hear from her. And then she says it. “Don’t freak out, but…”
I know what I’m expecting to hear—that my step-dad has had another heart attack. Will this be the phone call where she tells me he didn’t make it? Since the first one, I’ve been expecting it to happen. What she says, however, has nothing to do with my step dad and his heart…
“…I have a lump in my breast that they need to remove.”
I sit for a second and take a deep breath. “Is it cancer?” I ask.
“Looks like it.”
“Wow.”
Silence.
My mom’s voice comes from the tunnel that is my cell phone. “Emmy, are you okay?”
My mind spins like crazy….What a question! Am I okay? No! You’re my mother and you just told me you have breast cancer. Am I okay? No! You’re my best friend and breast cancer scares the hell out of me! Am I okay, NO! Wait, you’re the one that’s sick…are You okay?
I voice the question quietly, not wanting to know the answer, yet desperate for her reassurance. It’s a small lump, they found it early. She’s going into surgery on Tuesday. There will be four to six weeks of radiation, but no chemo that we know of. She won’t lose her hair. She’ll be fine.
We speak for a while longer, assure each other and profess our love, and the conversation ends.
My mother, who has already had thyroid cancer, is sick. She has breast cancer. It’s hard to wrap my mind around it, but I feel my stomach being pulled into a knot and my heart beat race.
Today my mom had surgery. They removed the lump and some lymph nodes, to see if it has spread. The doctors are optimistic. She may even get to go home tonight. She’s going to be fine, I know that, but it doesn’t silence the fear I feel and stop the tears that fall.
I send up a prayer every time I think about her. Protect her. Heal her. Love her. I can’t do it without her. She’s my mom. She’s the funniest woman I’ve ever met. She’s my best friend. She’s everything I want to be. She’s simply amazing. She’s going to come through this stronger than ever.
My mom is a breast cancer survivor, and she was just diagnosed a week ago.
It’s New Years Eve and I am sitting on my couch, ½ napping and ½ watching TV. I’ve just made a yummy cup of hot chocolate, but it’s still a little too warm to drink. Suddenly, the midi sounds of Billy Joel’s “Big Shot” begin pulsing from my phone. It’s my mom, and I’m always excited to hear from her. And then she says it. “Don’t freak out, but…”
I know what I’m expecting to hear—that my step-dad has had another heart attack. Will this be the phone call where she tells me he didn’t make it? Since the first one, I’ve been expecting it to happen. What she says, however, has nothing to do with my step dad and his heart…
“…I have a lump in my breast that they need to remove.”
I sit for a second and take a deep breath. “Is it cancer?” I ask.
“Looks like it.”
“Wow.”
Silence.
My mom’s voice comes from the tunnel that is my cell phone. “Emmy, are you okay?”
My mind spins like crazy….What a question! Am I okay? No! You’re my mother and you just told me you have breast cancer. Am I okay? No! You’re my best friend and breast cancer scares the hell out of me! Am I okay, NO! Wait, you’re the one that’s sick…are You okay?
I voice the question quietly, not wanting to know the answer, yet desperate for her reassurance. It’s a small lump, they found it early. She’s going into surgery on Tuesday. There will be four to six weeks of radiation, but no chemo that we know of. She won’t lose her hair. She’ll be fine.
We speak for a while longer, assure each other and profess our love, and the conversation ends.
My mother, who has already had thyroid cancer, is sick. She has breast cancer. It’s hard to wrap my mind around it, but I feel my stomach being pulled into a knot and my heart beat race.
Today my mom had surgery. They removed the lump and some lymph nodes, to see if it has spread. The doctors are optimistic. She may even get to go home tonight. She’s going to be fine, I know that, but it doesn’t silence the fear I feel and stop the tears that fall.
I send up a prayer every time I think about her. Protect her. Heal her. Love her. I can’t do it without her. She’s my mom. She’s the funniest woman I’ve ever met. She’s my best friend. She’s everything I want to be. She’s simply amazing. She’s going to come through this stronger than ever.
My mom is a breast cancer survivor, and she was just diagnosed a week ago.
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