this says it all:
"You should see the stars tonight
How they shimmer, shine so bright
Against the black they look so white
Coming down from such a height
You should see the moon in flight
Cutting 'cross the misty night
Softly dancing in sunshine
Reflections of its light
Reach me now
You reach me now
And how could such a thing
Shine its light on me
and make everything
Beautiful again
And you should feel the sun in spring
Coming out after a rain
suddenly all is green
sunshine on everything
I can feel it now
I feel you now
And you should hear the angels sing
All gathered 'round their King
More beautiful than you could dream
I've been quietly listening
You can hear 'em now
I hear them now
And how could such a King
Shine His light on me
And make everything
beautiful
And I want to shine
i want to be light
I want to tell you
it'll be alright
Yeah, I want to shine
I want to fly
Just to tell you now
It'll be alright
It'll be alright, yeah
It'll be alright
'Cause I've got nothing of my own
to give to you
but this light that shines on me
Shines on you
And makes everything beautiful
Beautiful again"
David Crowder, Stars (from Illuminate)
9.30.2003
9.29.2003
Emmaus.
Amazing. The weekend was splendidly amazing. There just aren't enough words to make it make sense. everyone needs to experience it-to feel the closest to God you will EVER feel this side of heaven. To understand, without a doubt, the beauty and majesty and forever grace of God. To really love and be loved. To have total strangers pay 85 bucks a piece just to wash toliets and bleach shower curtains for you for three days. To see people selflessly cook 3 meals a day for you, with nothing but smiles and love. To meet 6 people that you are instantly closer than you have let yourself be to anyone. To hear what it means to follow Christ and understand that His commands-to love and to let yourself be loved, will change the face of time. To cry out in joy...to cry the joyful tears of your entire life that are without selfish ambition. To have someone remind you that Christ is counting on you to share his message; and all you have to do in return is count on Christ. To truly understand, you have to be there. You have to experience it. Love it, cry, and be healed. And you get to see God. It's amazing. You MUST do it.
Amazing. The weekend was splendidly amazing. There just aren't enough words to make it make sense. everyone needs to experience it-to feel the closest to God you will EVER feel this side of heaven. To understand, without a doubt, the beauty and majesty and forever grace of God. To really love and be loved. To have total strangers pay 85 bucks a piece just to wash toliets and bleach shower curtains for you for three days. To see people selflessly cook 3 meals a day for you, with nothing but smiles and love. To meet 6 people that you are instantly closer than you have let yourself be to anyone. To hear what it means to follow Christ and understand that His commands-to love and to let yourself be loved, will change the face of time. To cry out in joy...to cry the joyful tears of your entire life that are without selfish ambition. To have someone remind you that Christ is counting on you to share his message; and all you have to do in return is count on Christ. To truly understand, you have to be there. You have to experience it. Love it, cry, and be healed. And you get to see God. It's amazing. You MUST do it.
9.25.2003
Tonight I leave for my Emmaus weekend. I'll admit, I have NO idea what to expect. It makes me really nervous, quite frankly, but I think it's a good kind of nervous-a what is going to happen, I know I'm going to be blown away, and I can't believe how big God is type of nervous. :) We'll see. I'm sure I will write about it when I get back.
In other news, I've started meeting with a group of people from church as part of a creativity team for our "postmodern" service, . I think it's going to be a wonderful creative outlet and a chance for us to do some really great things to impact the 20-30 something generation that lives, learns, and works in Bloomington. We have a lot of people right here at our doorstep that are just crying out for something to believe in, and we have exactly what they need. This service is a great chance to reach those people in a way that is honest, open, and, more than anything else, God-oriented. There's a great quote in the book "the Emerging Church" that sums up what I feel 629 can, should, and is about--
"We should be returning to a no-holds-barred approach to worship and teaching so that when we gather, there is no doubt we are in the presence of a Holy God. I believe both believers and nonbelievers in this emerging culture are hungry for this. It isn't about clever apologetics or careful exegetical and expository preaching or great worship bands. It is about believers in Jesus falling to their knees in worship, truly taking their faith seriously, and even repenting publicly in prayer. It is about the Spirit of God as an evident participant in our midst as the Holy Scriptures are read. This is what people in this emerging culture are drawn to. We no longer have to apologize for what we do. Explain ourselves and teach clearly, yes. But apologize? No longer. Emerging generations are hungering to experience God in worship."
In other news, I've started meeting with a group of people from church as part of a creativity team for our "postmodern" service, . I think it's going to be a wonderful creative outlet and a chance for us to do some really great things to impact the 20-30 something generation that lives, learns, and works in Bloomington. We have a lot of people right here at our doorstep that are just crying out for something to believe in, and we have exactly what they need. This service is a great chance to reach those people in a way that is honest, open, and, more than anything else, God-oriented. There's a great quote in the book "the Emerging Church" that sums up what I feel 629 can, should, and is about--
"We should be returning to a no-holds-barred approach to worship and teaching so that when we gather, there is no doubt we are in the presence of a Holy God. I believe both believers and nonbelievers in this emerging culture are hungry for this. It isn't about clever apologetics or careful exegetical and expository preaching or great worship bands. It is about believers in Jesus falling to their knees in worship, truly taking their faith seriously, and even repenting publicly in prayer. It is about the Spirit of God as an evident participant in our midst as the Holy Scriptures are read. This is what people in this emerging culture are drawn to. We no longer have to apologize for what we do. Explain ourselves and teach clearly, yes. But apologize? No longer. Emerging generations are hungering to experience God in worship."
9.24.2003
Random emails to myself. I wrote this to myself about a year ago, just to have it...now I share it with you :)
I don't know that this is an email that anyone will read, but it somehow
feels better to write it all out and just listen to the beautiful music
playing in my ears. It's amazing to me how simply beautiful life can be
sometimes--how, amid the craziness and the busyness, there is a quiet
simplicity that reminds us how fragile life is, how short our time here is,
and just how much we should try and accomplish before the sun sets on an
another amazing moment in the history of God. Dark and dreary as the world
sometimes is, there is an eerie silence that comes with understanding just
how gloriously insignificant and meaningful we all are. There is a moment,
however fleeting, when we realize that all we have is this time and all we
can do is embrace the beauty of the world around us with the understanding
that when we close our eyes, all that is left is the memory.
i don't know that we ever really understand the significance of memories
until the immediate action is gone--when we are alone, we realize how much
we need people. when we are scared, we realize how important a hug, a
touch, or a kiss really is. When we feel like we have nothing left to give,
we realize we have everything at our fingertips, we just can't see it and
don't really believe it.
It is at this moment when we find the strength and courage to face the
world. It is at this moment when the secret desires of our heart become the
very reasons we try and make life work. It is when we realize how much love
there is in the world that we want nothing more than to give that love to
someone else. It is when we realize we can do anything that we want to do
everything and nothing all at once. It is when we're standing still that we
long to move. It is when we are running crazy that we seek solitude. It is
when we are scared that we find out just how much bravery is locked inside
our bones.
It is when we realize that love is all we need that we realize it's all
we've ever really known.
I don't seek to be profound; I don't long to immortalize the legacy of my
words for all time; it is only that at some moment I realized that the
million things going on in my heart were not being addressed and that the
truth was being stifled by my fear...
I don't know that this is an email that anyone will read, but it somehow
feels better to write it all out and just listen to the beautiful music
playing in my ears. It's amazing to me how simply beautiful life can be
sometimes--how, amid the craziness and the busyness, there is a quiet
simplicity that reminds us how fragile life is, how short our time here is,
and just how much we should try and accomplish before the sun sets on an
another amazing moment in the history of God. Dark and dreary as the world
sometimes is, there is an eerie silence that comes with understanding just
how gloriously insignificant and meaningful we all are. There is a moment,
however fleeting, when we realize that all we have is this time and all we
can do is embrace the beauty of the world around us with the understanding
that when we close our eyes, all that is left is the memory.
i don't know that we ever really understand the significance of memories
until the immediate action is gone--when we are alone, we realize how much
we need people. when we are scared, we realize how important a hug, a
touch, or a kiss really is. When we feel like we have nothing left to give,
we realize we have everything at our fingertips, we just can't see it and
don't really believe it.
It is at this moment when we find the strength and courage to face the
world. It is at this moment when the secret desires of our heart become the
very reasons we try and make life work. It is when we realize how much love
there is in the world that we want nothing more than to give that love to
someone else. It is when we realize we can do anything that we want to do
everything and nothing all at once. It is when we're standing still that we
long to move. It is when we are running crazy that we seek solitude. It is
when we are scared that we find out just how much bravery is locked inside
our bones.
It is when we realize that love is all we need that we realize it's all
we've ever really known.
I don't seek to be profound; I don't long to immortalize the legacy of my
words for all time; it is only that at some moment I realized that the
million things going on in my heart were not being addressed and that the
truth was being stifled by my fear...
9.11.2003
thought this was appropriate for today.
"America- Chris Tomlin
Let your glory fly
If my people will humbly pray
Turn from sin and their wicked ways
I will hear them and heal their land
And show my glory and power again
Lift your eyes up
Look to the sky
The Lord is coming, coming to America
Can you feel the fire
Can you see the wind
Blowing through
Coming to America again
Go and tell them the blind will see
The lame will walk and the slave is free
Shout the news that the lost are saved
In the name of Jesus the dead are raised"
"America- Chris Tomlin
Let your glory fly
If my people will humbly pray
Turn from sin and their wicked ways
I will hear them and heal their land
And show my glory and power again
Lift your eyes up
Look to the sky
The Lord is coming, coming to America
Can you feel the fire
Can you see the wind
Blowing through
Coming to America again
Go and tell them the blind will see
The lame will walk and the slave is free
Shout the news that the lost are saved
In the name of Jesus the dead are raised"
I wrote this last year, but thought I would post it today. I was asked what I thought and what I remembered about 9/11 and what i felt:
“I had just returned from NYC a few days before. I had stood in the very spot where the Towers were on fire. I had taken pictures of the buildings and marveled at their magnificence. Three days later, I was humbled and confused as our innocence and naiveté were crushed with a single act of hatred and violence. I thought of all the statistics I had heard when I was there, I thought of the people I had met and the pride I had seen on the face of every New Yorker. Part of me didn’t want to believe that it had really happened, but the proof was there. I was at work, and we didn’t have access to a television, so a friend of mine in Texas was emailing me up-to-the-minute blurbs. I remember the email where he said the 1st Tower had fallen. I cried for all those lives that had been lost, I sat in silence for all those dreams that would never be fulfilled. I wanted to be with my family, but they were far away. I wanted to hug my mom and know that everyone I loved was okay. When the plane crashed in Pennsylvania, my first thought was that the attacks were moving west. Who would be next? The magnitude of what had happened slowly began to sink in as my boss brought televisions into work and told us we were all free to go home if we wanted to be with our families. I was part of a generation whose single concern was technology and making millions fast. Now I was part of a generation that would always remember where they were on September 11, 2001. I didn’t want to take my eyes away from the television or turn off the radio out of fear at what would happen while my back was turned. I wanted to be surrounded by those I loved and make the tragedy make sense. ..”
This morning, for some reason, the events of two years ago were really bothering me. I think last year I was still in shock; still a little unbelieving and scared and waiting for something to happen. My roommate and I were talking last night. I think one of the reasons that it is affecting me so much is that in some ways, it seems like people have started to forget. I know I'm guilty of it. We've quickly gone back to the self-centered, american-dream, me-only mentality that has so permeated our culture for so long. When did we change from caring about others to caring only about ourselves?
“I had just returned from NYC a few days before. I had stood in the very spot where the Towers were on fire. I had taken pictures of the buildings and marveled at their magnificence. Three days later, I was humbled and confused as our innocence and naiveté were crushed with a single act of hatred and violence. I thought of all the statistics I had heard when I was there, I thought of the people I had met and the pride I had seen on the face of every New Yorker. Part of me didn’t want to believe that it had really happened, but the proof was there. I was at work, and we didn’t have access to a television, so a friend of mine in Texas was emailing me up-to-the-minute blurbs. I remember the email where he said the 1st Tower had fallen. I cried for all those lives that had been lost, I sat in silence for all those dreams that would never be fulfilled. I wanted to be with my family, but they were far away. I wanted to hug my mom and know that everyone I loved was okay. When the plane crashed in Pennsylvania, my first thought was that the attacks were moving west. Who would be next? The magnitude of what had happened slowly began to sink in as my boss brought televisions into work and told us we were all free to go home if we wanted to be with our families. I was part of a generation whose single concern was technology and making millions fast. Now I was part of a generation that would always remember where they were on September 11, 2001. I didn’t want to take my eyes away from the television or turn off the radio out of fear at what would happen while my back was turned. I wanted to be surrounded by those I loved and make the tragedy make sense. ..”
This morning, for some reason, the events of two years ago were really bothering me. I think last year I was still in shock; still a little unbelieving and scared and waiting for something to happen. My roommate and I were talking last night. I think one of the reasons that it is affecting me so much is that in some ways, it seems like people have started to forget. I know I'm guilty of it. We've quickly gone back to the self-centered, american-dream, me-only mentality that has so permeated our culture for so long. When did we change from caring about others to caring only about ourselves?
9.09.2003
Okay, the insane amount of time between Blogs just has to stop. My life is busy, sure, but it's not THAT busy. I'm just a little lazy and a little less-than-motivated at the moment. But, things in my life have been happening, one on top of the other. First, I want to post the partial entry from a blog i wrote a couple weeks ago, from AUGUST 24th, to be exact:
"My father died 7 years ago today. To me, that's almost unbelievable. Not only that he is dead, but that it has been that long. It was the summer before my senior year of high school, and oh what a summer it was...i became a Christian, met my very first boyfriend, and lost my father. all in about 2 1/2 weeks. And i think every single one of those events still echoes in my daily life to varying degrees...."
and then I stopped writing that entry. Life picked up and got busy again, and the thoughts and the moment and the feelings were quickly lost. Plus, service was about to start and I needed to get down to the nursery. So, that was that moment. Since then life has kept happening!
To bring you up to date: last night we had a women's ministry event, FACE2FACE, at church. It was awesome. Claudia Mitchell, our women's ministry leader, spoke about Hannah's life, her story, and her makeover. Hannah's prayer is pretty powerful. Here's just the beginning:
"My heart rejoices in the Lord;
in the Lord my horn is lifted high.
My mouth boasts over my enemies,
for I delight in your deliverance.
There is no one holy like the Lord;
there is no one besides you;
there is no Rock like our God.
Do not keep talking so proudly
or let your mouth speak such arrogance,
for the Lord is a God who knows,
and by him deed are weighed."
It's good to know that He knows, because I've just realized it's completely possible to be joyful and bewildered at the same time. I just never knew until now how those two emotions could combine and manifest themselves. It's a strange feeling. My life is going really well. I'm really happy, but at the same time, i can't shake this feeling that God is saying 'You just wait. You think it's good now, wait until you see what I'm going to do..." and I'm waiting. There is a feeling at church. We all feel it. We know it's about to happen. We just don't know what 'it' is really. Strange, huh?
"My father died 7 years ago today. To me, that's almost unbelievable. Not only that he is dead, but that it has been that long. It was the summer before my senior year of high school, and oh what a summer it was...i became a Christian, met my very first boyfriend, and lost my father. all in about 2 1/2 weeks. And i think every single one of those events still echoes in my daily life to varying degrees...."
and then I stopped writing that entry. Life picked up and got busy again, and the thoughts and the moment and the feelings were quickly lost. Plus, service was about to start and I needed to get down to the nursery. So, that was that moment. Since then life has kept happening!
To bring you up to date: last night we had a women's ministry event, FACE2FACE, at church. It was awesome. Claudia Mitchell, our women's ministry leader, spoke about Hannah's life, her story, and her makeover. Hannah's prayer is pretty powerful. Here's just the beginning:
"My heart rejoices in the Lord;
in the Lord my horn is lifted high.
My mouth boasts over my enemies,
for I delight in your deliverance.
There is no one holy like the Lord;
there is no one besides you;
there is no Rock like our God.
Do not keep talking so proudly
or let your mouth speak such arrogance,
for the Lord is a God who knows,
and by him deed are weighed."
It's good to know that He knows, because I've just realized it's completely possible to be joyful and bewildered at the same time. I just never knew until now how those two emotions could combine and manifest themselves. It's a strange feeling. My life is going really well. I'm really happy, but at the same time, i can't shake this feeling that God is saying 'You just wait. You think it's good now, wait until you see what I'm going to do..." and I'm waiting. There is a feeling at church. We all feel it. We know it's about to happen. We just don't know what 'it' is really. Strange, huh?
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